It's almost here...

It's count down for me... 2 more days till my long holiday... yeah, getting a taste of what it's like to be a home maker...hehehe

For the first 2 weeks I will be a little busy... what with getting my Project 01 and Project 02 to move in the right direction... and Project 03 to start... hahahah yes.... turning 30 has opened my eyes and my heart to a little bit more courage to pursue the things that matter most to me.

It's ok people... I am scared and I am feeling the pinch... working for almost 4 years... getting a steady income that has been rising slightly there and here... to suddenly getting nil next month (on unpaid leave for 5 weeks)... wow... you can't believe how the panic suddenly hit me one night and I actually feel suffocated.

All this while I can go shopping/grocery shopping/toys & clothes browsing without much thought... now suddenly I have to weigh each and every want/need to ... 'do I really need this'... 'do we really use this thing at home'... Mr. Hubby is happy though... imagine our weekly spending on groceries have actually dropped 50%! Boy, you never how much you're actually wasting till you need to save... tsk tsk....

These 2 months of no salary is gonna be a challenge I tell you... I almost just panic into saying I can't do this... but hey... with my sweet baby smiling and asking me to play with her each night, I find the courage to stay on my current path... Insyallah... we will be guided...  :) 

Good to know...

I was reading a good article yesterday and I felt as though it applied to me. In a nutshell, it was about taking charge of your decision making and taking ownership of whatever it is that you do... be it a work decision... a life altering decision... and I soooo see how it applied to my life... especially now. Now I am in a junction road in my life... where I get to go left ... or right... and I have been debating and deliberating... talking to various parties...

Why you ask? So that I can see what THEY would do... or what would THEY feel... in my situation... and this is in part I guess play a role in my absolution in guilt or whatever doubt I may be having.

Do I doubt it?... what I want that is... no... I don't... It is so crystal clear that it scares me...

Do I fear it... yes I do... because it is after all do doubt going to be life changing

After reading the article I realise that no matter what I decided... I don't have to request 'permission' for it to be ok... I just have to take ownership of that decision... yes, I want it.. and yes, I am going to do it...

May Allah SWT give me strength to see all else through...