What would you do?

What would you do...
Say if you were in my shoes...
Waves battling to sink you down...
And all the world seems to greet you with a frown...

What would be the move...
To help you rise from this perpetual doom...
The thought and prayers sent....
So many days and nights are already spent...

What would you do, really...?
When the weight has brought you down on one knee...
Mindless with disappointment...
Heart beat slowly thumping a sad sound...

What... pray tell... what?

The tightness in my heart...
The tears that burns my eyes...
And here I still stand and pray...

What... what would you do...
What if you were here...
Right here in my shoes?

My Thing...

There's nothing that I love more than just lazying about and reading my romantic novels. I love love reading. But I am a picky reader...heheheh.. I read absolutely nothing but historical romances since I first discovered them at a tender age of 14. :)

hehehe... parents out there... I must say that no matter how good it is to leave your child in the library, you still need to watch over the books that they tend to pick out... *future note for handling my Shiya* ... because no matter what my mum did to discourage me from reading romance novels, I was already too hooked and keep on searching/buying them whenever I could...

Why is it so ermm.. NOT good for girls...I stress out... for girls... meaning aged below 21... (Yes, Shiya will have a hard time convincing me she's grown up..even if she is 20 years old.)? Well... definitely because of it's content! :P

There are scenes that are better left OUT of a child's imagination, if you know what I mean. Hahahaha... but hello.... I have read hundreds of books already... so no sense in stopping me yea? Oh well... anyhow... getting out of topic here...

Why I love romance novel so much? I think it's the way you can get lost in the books... As I've often told my family... why get lost in the everyday stuff... you're already experiencing it right now... getting lost in the olden days when Princesses lives as a Princess and noblemen and castles still exist is so much better... and I just absolutely love the romance in them... how they meet and fall in love... sometimes I can hardly breathe trying to guess at what might happen next... will she be with him... or will they forgive each other and be together...

Reading, when you get lost in each story... it's as though you are right there... living the exact moment... even the tea seems hot and yummy and you can even smell the roses blooming....

My favorite authors? Johanna Lindey... Julie Garwood... Judith McNaught... Lisa Kleypas... I've read almost all their books... My BFF asked me this morning... would it be nice if reading was considered a talent? And I must agree with her... There's nothing I'd like to do better than read my wonderful romance novels all day long...  :)

Just a thought...

What?

Have you ever felt that way?

I wonder what caused someone to hate or dislike you... is it something that was said..? Something that was done...or not done?

It really makes no sense... because to this person... or persons... all I have been is nice... and tried my best to be thoughtful in any way possible. But I guess I was wrong in some other way?

I did notice the 'missing in action' mode... and the little snubs... and I more or less noticed the status there and here... and I am finally convinced that it is me you are referring to...

It's a little disheartening... and confusing at the same time, but I am old enough to understand that no whine or rage can change a person's perception... and if you already have it in your head and heart not to like someone... well... there's not much that I can do but pray that you will see the error in your ways and will regret your actions soon...

Hehehe... living must go on...

Silent Night

In silence, I can be the mother she wants me to be...
Keeping things straight, setting things right and making her dreams come true...

But oft times reality sets in... When rage speaks the loudest... Where inconsistency plays its evil games...
Even the most solid of warriors would tremble and pray for direction...
I am no warrior...

With tears in her eyes and tears in my heart, I held her close... Whispering softly... Pleading most tragically... Trying to tie the knots that has been set loose... Losing the grip that was so precious yet fragile in its strength...

In silence...
I am able to ponder...
In silence, I sit here and wonder...
Hoping tomorrow sets new a day that we can hold hands and speak together...

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Up there... Down here...

What's up? Shiya has officially started to sit unsupported today! :) she can also pull herself up fully in her cot and move slowly around... Hehehe.... My baby's such a strong and smart baby...
What's down?... Hmm... Let's not ruin this entry with my downsides... Maybe later... ;)

Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Lies...

How much of lies that we hear are actual lies... and how much are actual misunderstandings and just plain freak coincidence?

There has been an 'incident' of misplaced money... why misplaced and not stolen? Because, it's not mine and I am not quite sure what has happened to it... and it is quite a large sum. Since the incident I have been keeping a close eye on my 'closed' ones in order to 'catch' them red handed, but at this day and age, catching someone is not as simple as spinning a web and they conveniently fall into it.

In fact, the webs I spin to 'catch' the culprit, the more complicated it gets and more and more people are involved. It is one major cause of headache in my life right now. The question is... who can I trust? Who should I trust? Who? *crick, crick*

I though so... there is actually no one... in my course of 'investigation', I was forced to confront/cajole a number of people... all seem nice and forth coming... but slowly my web catches unwanted flies that just adds on to the rojak of truths/half truths/lies/deceptions/manipulations... and the question that keeps ringing in my head is ... where is the truth???

I found out that someone has been saying bad things about me... though it was not totally directed at me... but it still hit a close spot at my heart... and I was speechless and angry... I also found out that things have been happening behind my back that a lot of people knew... but it was kept from me... maybe not intentionally, but still... a word or two would have suffice... there were also wrong accusations, wrong impressions... and all this while no one said anything...

I'm going through a myriad of feelings... shock, anger, confuse, calm, back to anger... and now back to confuse.

Lies... what's in a lie? Perhaps I misunderstood... and perhaps I am too sensitive and place hate and dislike where there is actually indifference... What I can't understand is why people won't talk to me? You have no right to accuse, nor hate nor dislike me in anyway... because you are no where in my list of anyone who knows me, even remotely so.

What I have learned is that there is such thing as being too gullible and too nice... and perhaps it is my destiny not to be able to get along with most people in this world.

No one can be trusted.

Selamat Berpuasa darlings!

So Ramadhan is here again... it feels like only yesterday that I was home with morning sickness... puasa really helped though to curb the ugly feeling  :P

Jellybean just turned 6 months yesterday! She even woke up during sahur... (dgn tak sengaja actually  :P  ) So she was able to join everyone in the merry of eating at 5am in the morning... took some milky and went back to sleep while her parents couldn't be as indulgent and had to drive off to work before traffic starts...

There are a lot of trials during the Ramadhan months... let's not even begin about abstaining one self from all that is food, food and more food... this is a chance to actually improve on the diet habits of us mortals who just can't say no to fast food and greasy yumminess... then there is (I think) a bigger trial... what's that you ask? The trial of patience... hehehe... so many of us lose our tempers and starts scolding/bad mouthing others when things just don't go our way... I guess the inner battle with hunger... sleepiness and thirst eventually just wears us thin...

This month is also a holy month where our thoughts and prayers should go to those who has left us... and of course remembering all that has been blessed upon us... good health, good life... good family, and never forgetting, good fortune to be where we are today. :)  Never forget the special people who brought us and raised us, our parents who has been there with us always...

So here's to hoping that this month will bring out and keep the best part of us... and may we be able to shed those bad habits that has been plaguing us... don't forget to berniat... don't forget to bersahur... traffic is crazy, so plan your time well and lastly but certainly not least..... enjoy this time...it only comes once a year... and the joy and togetherness that it brings equals no other...  ;)

A special shout out to my darling SIL, Keesha who celebrates her birthday exactly today...  :)