Jellybean is 6 months!

My darling jellybean... At 6 months...
1. Can drink from a cup
2. First time ate mummy's homemade porridge... Nasi and carrots.. :)
3. Crawl! Yeay!
4. Pull herself to a standing position (sometimes only)
5. Will travel far and wide to grab the coveted object... Most likely ur phone, pretty bracelets/necklaces, remote controls... Newspapers or letters
Sent via BlackBerry from Maxis

Curiosity does kill the cat... meow!

I have a crazy habit... of putting my nose where it doesn't belong... where's that you might ask? Ohh... places that are better left alone...

It's just that I get so curious sometimes and wanna know all the details of what's happening... why where... who... this is a bad addictive case of gossip monger gone wrong :P in other words... mummy kepochi!

It had started out because I was trying to be careful.. now it's a full blown craziness like one of those tele-movies that you hate, but just can't seem to swtich off the TV when it's playing... hahahaha...

Tsk tsk tsk... it's embarrassing really... should have a new mid year resolution... stop being so curious... it's unhealthy... silly and well, stupid...

Simpler... better?

Inner and outer change is inevitable... like the rain on a sunny day or the warm sun during a winter's day out, change in all of us will happen... regardless how impossible it seems... it's impossible right now... but like the soft wind that gently chafes the harden rocks, you'll see a difference.. eventually...

Was waiting for hubby dear just now at the Level 2 food court, KLCC.. and while I was just sitting there, minding my business... I saw in front of me a multitude of individuals... all different in ages, styles and personality. There were little children...some were smiling cheerfully while eating their burgers... others were sulking while their father was softly scolding them... over spilled milk perhaps? :P There were also older gen people... eating quickly alone... their time at the food court was just solely to consume their food and they will be off again to their offices I suppose to finish off that all important work that is pending. Then there were the younger folks... holding hands and laughing... some looking shyly away, and all dressed up...

Now this last group I can identify with... because that's how I was with my 'group' of people... back then... hehehe... now I feel so ancient! Anyhow, we would travel in groups... if not in pairs to go to, well... shopping malls... the further it was from the house, the better and more ermm... "exclusive" it seems... KLCC was like the place to be with all the expensive shops and nice eating places... and of course to be there means dressing up in our best outfits... hehehe...

How about the stuff that we wear... the make up that we use...? I guess sometimes you can't help remembering those days when all you do is eat take out nasi campur... watch FRIENDS dvds and occasionally get something to wear from Urban & Co.. Then during a special weekend, nice movie at KLCC and eat yummy lasagna... window shopping at all the nice, but oh so expensive shops is a must. :P

Now? The cinema is still there... the lasagna still as good and yummy... nasi campur is still a fav and FRIENDS dvds will never bore me... but I find myself entering into the 'nice' shops more often... and eating once a week/once a month fare almost on a daily basis... is this a show of my income upwards progression? Perhaps... or could it be that it is a result of working at KLCC that has made even the most 'special' things in life (previously) mundane or normal... could be...

I think most likely is the maturity in thought... and action... and of course the reality of it all that robbed the magic of the most wonderful moment that could have been had over just a cup of coffee at Starbucks, and turned it into an equivalent of a glass of teh o ais at pelita... in other words... yummy, normal and everyday.

So how do you recapture the magic of youth... to have joy and excitement again? Does this mean the aim next is to go for that all sought fine dining in Malibu...or that walk on Oxford Street or a hot cocoa in Switzerland... better yet, maybe that gorgeous LV or Chanel bag... hehehe

Change is inevitable... but if I could preserve something, it is that beautiful feeling of joy at the simpler part of life... a walk with someone you love just to hear the birds chirping... that excitement for some ice blended goodness and even the wonderful feeling of happiness when you find a secret post-it attached in your notebook with a love you note... :)

Food for thought for this upcoming ramadhan season...

Down we go...

I love being a mummy... it has been my dream for the longest time... and in that dream of dreams... you are the best that you can be...  :P

Until.....

you ARE a mommy to the cutest girble ever...

and find that ... you're not so perfect after all... and that your touch, your smile and your singing will not help to pacify her or solve her current problem/upset... 

There are days that being a mummy scares me... those days are when Jellybean will not stop crying because something, something... (and the 'something' is still a mystery to me) is wrong... and so I try with all my might... rocking her... tickling her... singing all her fav nursery rhymes... even washing her face... changing her diapers... offering her milky2...

The constant challenge is trying to give her milk... sometimes she makes it easy and just starts to drink... sometimes..... *sigh*

And then there are those people who seems to think that they know my baby much better than I do... perhaps they do... because she does seem to sleep faster and drink much more milk with them.... and maybe it's just me, but I HATE that little smug smile that I seem to see every time I try and try.... but have less and less % of success...

During those days, I would feel down and sad... not with my baby of course, but with myself... I wish to be a better mummy and deep in my heart I'm scared that I am failing...

Well, we live and we learn yeah? And of course we have to be stronger for the sake of our darlings... our parents did well by us and I am sure they are not sterling silver perfect... so here's to wishing and hoping to being better and ultimately the best in my baby's eyes...  ;)

My sweetheart at 5 months+

Active baby who is always creeping around



Her favorite pose at 5 months 2 weeks



Jellybean update...

At 5 months:

1. her first creeping was on 8 July 2011... she suddenly started creeping forward to grab at a pink spray bottle right in front of me... I was so surprised and happy...  :) to date she's still shaky and wobbly... but she can at least get up on all four and lift her bum bum high... though she is still stuck in this position. I have seen her move forward in her crawling position one step forward before crumbling... so for now... it's wobbling and creeping along the bed covers for her.....
2. she has discovered the joy of sucking on her toes... I'm not sure if I have written about this before... but when she's on her back now... she will just pull at her feet and promptly suck at her toes.. which is so super cute!
3. she has no favorite food yet as all that has been given to her is received with an open mouth... rice cereal, apple puree and pear puree...
4. she loves bouncing and as a present to her... I got her a bouncer set that I have been eyeing since my confinement period... and she just loves to spend time in it... though she hates it if you left her there alone...
5. at her recent check up... 4 days shy of being 5 months... she was 62cm tall... and weighs 6.5kg.
6. She recognises nursery rhymes and her favorite currently is 'Itsy, Bitsy Spider' and 'I'm a Little Teapot'...
7. Sucking on her fingers are her new hobby now...
8. She needs a lot of space when sleeping because she can wiggle and turn her way 360deg during the night...
9. her tufts of hair that we had shaved from her head when she was 18 days old is worth RM131 today...
10. she can pull up to a sitting position with support and pull up to a standing position while holding on to your fingers...

That's all for now about my sweetheart! :)

My dilemma...

When does a mother's dilemma begins? When it comes to dealing with your darling babies, I would think a lot contributes to what can be called a dilemma to all mothers... even to what diapers to buy... or what to wear... even what where and when to take out our babies becomes a contention at one time or another.

My current one that is causing a battle of feelings and emotions in me? The dilemma of leaving my baby behind to her caretaker.

Every night since her birth I am able, Alhamdulillah to take care of my baby... even if it's not me physically... it would be hubby dear who takes up the duty of the night watch... in that I am grateful that we are strong enough emotionally to withstand the trial of sleepy eyes and numb minds from much needed rest. I am also blessed to have a child who at 3 months+ have been sleeping peacefully for most parts of the night... sometimes at 10pm and only rousing from sleep for some milk at 6am... only now she's having problem staying asleep and would wake up once or twice during the night crying... though why this is happening I am not sure... though it could be from all her active playtime during the day that is causing this fussiness...

But as soon as it's around 7+... I have to hand over my sayang to her caretaker because I need to go to work... and I only get to see her late in the evening... and if I'm a little late... she is already asleep... (sometimes she would fall asleep at 8 or 9pm). So in total during the weekdays I get to see her and play with her, only around 2 hours a day... and those times are when she is sleepy or hungry angry... which doesn't help in the way of healthy bonding between us.

So I am sad that sometimes it seems obvious how she prefers her caretaker instead of me... or when she makes that movement to be picked up by her Kakak when she is in my arms... I am not sad at or with her... I am just sad at the situation... the climax I would say of my frustration is when she will not drink milk with me or even sleep when I try to sleep her at night... every moment is a battle of crying... when her kakak can do it in just a few minutes and with less crying... *sigh*

But I am learning one of the hardest lessons to be a mother... patience... acceptance... and of course... learning how to learn... everytime I am too tired and feel like giving up... I stop... just for little while... and try again... picking up a different tune... or even turning on the TV to distract her... just the other day I carried her for 2 hours... just to get her to sleep... all the while holding on to whatever energy I had left of the day... because I want to be the one she holds on to...

Acceptance.. that the situation (for now) is the way it is because it's for the best and sometimes others just do it better than me... and that doesn't change the fact that I love her the most and will forever be her mother...

And learning... learning to be better at what I do... learning how she likes to be held... learning how to teach her caretaker to take care of her the way I want her to be taken cared of... learning her little sounds and what it means... and sometimes just learning how to pacify her... most importantly... learning how to priorities my time and schedule to fit my life better in her world.....

Everyday is still a battle, but I love and cherish her every smile... her laughter... I'm getting there... slowly...