Searching

I’m about to make a huge decision in my life. Ultimately, it may be the best move I’ve made since I decided that I want my Sayang for always, or it might be one of the biggest mistakes that I could make in my lifetime.

I am thinking of resigning and starting fresh. Ok, who am I kidding? I am resigning in February and starting fresh in the work market.

Hahaha… it is simply wrong how the thought of resigning gives me so much pleasure!

But I am and I will do it.

Now I am just searching for what I really want to do in life. It’s true you can’t always get what you wish for. Everything in life is hard, bla, bla, bla and I could go on and on for days and days…

But I want to take this step. You know why? If I don’t, I’ll never find out what is at the end of that far in the distance rainbow. I want to try and make my dreams come true. I want to plan events and of course, cook. Oh dear, it almost seems unrealistic and impossible. But sitting at this desk right now and auditing seems horrid and unbelievably sickening.

And so, the search is on. Perhaps I could do something simple like teach children. I sent out a bunch of resumes last night. I even called one just now and asks for any openings. They had none. But imagine if they did… I could just work near my house! Maybe something will come up soon.

The race is now on… will I get the job first or resign first? I AM scared like super duper. I am so scared and petrified that I give myself headaches everyday just thinking about it.

Tonight I will discuss again with my Sayang on the repercussions of my future actions. I have his full support, but maybe he’s not thinking straight when he approves of what I’m doing. As long as he’s ok with it… it will give me added strength to fight my demons as well as the live criticism that I’m about to face from everyone.