And so the dilemma begins...

Every mother would wish to breastfeed their child... the benefits are numerous...I won't bother writing it down as I am sure everyone knows how healthy and important a mum's milk is to their child, especially for the first 6 months when that is all they consume... milky, milky and more milky  :) in fact all the products in the market right now will not come close to what a mum can offer to her child...

But some are just not as lucky as others who has an abundance of milk until they don't quite know what to do with it...hehehe... I have a met a few at the office and some through mutual friends who has no problem giving direct or even through bottle (expressing the milk and storing). Everytime I see their full bottle, I'd be a little (or maybe a lot??) jealous... looking at my diminishing quantity does not help. Hehehe... and so comes the dilemma that I am sure some if not a lot of working mum goes through... should I continue and forge on ahead full speed (albeit low supply) and try to increase this meagre supper of my child or should I just be happy that she has received some milk for the past 3 months and 3 weeks, and stop expressing.

My mind is a swing from yes to no all for 2 weeks now. Sometimes I would be notty only express once a day (used to be 4 times a day). Total daily supply has dropped from 15oz to 12 oz...10 oz...6 oz... and now barely 3 oz... sad huh..? The drop is most probably due to the lack of discipline in my pumping time and the stress that I feel inside... at night? Well, sleepiness doesn't help to stimulate the mind to produce more.

But regardless of what I say, I must admit that the milk is still there. Even now when I am expressing only once a day I still get 3 oz... and even a little is good for my baby right? Fighting with one's conscience is troublesome and mind numbing  :P  

And I still can't answer my question... should I stop? Or better yet... can I?

Meniarap...

Did I tell you that my sayang can properly meniarap? It just suddenly happened one fine evening...she just flipped over and looked at me (I think she looked because I was making such a big ruckus with my shouting and clapping...  :) 11 May 2011...

Congrats sayang! Love you so much... mummy's so proud of you...  :D

Luncheon Talk

Just came back from a luncheon talk about early childhood development. Some key points to take note:

1. babies are like sponges and they started their learning process from the womb (I believe this is true as my child mimics the activities that was so me during my pregnancy)
2. those that spends the most time with her in these crucial years will have the most impact in their internal believe system (a sad fact and a big disappointment as I am away from her at least 12-14 hrs, 5 days a week)
3. babies starts to have memories around 8 months and this time they will start to show preference
4. after about 2 years old their learning experiences using their hands are very important, thus should have lots of hand activities such as hand painting to sharpen and develop this skill
5. babies development up to around 8 months is all about survival, so it is important to make them feel safe and secure... (read this earlier on on a book, that is why it is a no no for me to leave my baby crying just to 'teach' her... I also read that a child that is always cuddled and have their needs met shows more potential to be a confident and secured child when they grow up...a research was done on this ok...  :)   )
6. a child learns from their surroundings... so it is very important to bring them out and let them have a feel of the environment, like the garden or the backyard... then their perception of reality is much better as they can see the world as a whole rather that the four concrete walls of their room, tv and games... (will definitely keep this in mind and try to have a daily garden outing when Shiya is older...)

Ok, that's all for now... :)

Tumblr

On my 100th post... Wanna let u know that I am now on tumblr... Catch my baby's antics on appleyums.tumblr.com ;)

What? Really? hmmmm...

Yesterday I had a heart to heart talk with someone. Well, maybe she did all the talking and I did all the listening. She was telling me about all of her problems and what she has been going through for the past near 2 years since I've known her. Certain things she said I just don't know whether to believe or not. Maybe the dilemma stems from the fact that should I believe it then the other people that I know will suddenly become irrational monsters who are just plain mean and insensitive, yet to not believe would make her a liar... And well I hate liars. But is it fair for me to call her a liar? It would be tragic if all those things happen to her and she's still called a liar. I just can't do that to someone. And so I listened...

What has happened... Is happening... And might happen... They are all out of my control. That's the sad part. I can't help her, not without causing an uproar. I guess when it comes to choosing priorities, it's got to be my family who is always no. 1 in my life. But it still makes me sad to know that had to go through so much.

And there is it, the fact of life why sometimes we just have to take a breather from our OWN problems and just pay a little more attention to those who surrounds us, no matter how small their part in our lives may be. I am disappointed in myself that I didn't take the time to ask how she was feeling... Or taken just a little of my time to have a proper conversation with her... Or even show my appreciation with an occasional fruit or cake... Instead I was too wrapped up in other things, other people who seemed much bigger. Perhaps they are... But like she tearfully told me yesterday... "Am I not human too...with needs?"

She is... And since I've known her, has always been helpful, nice and kind... So I am sorry that I was too uptight to see her problems... I might have been able to make her life just a little brighter should I have seen it sooner. I am sorry, and this will be one of those things that shall go on the list 'I regret' in my life. Now it's a little too late. But I wish her well, and hope that she finds it easier soon...

Another lesson learned...

All the things she said, all the things she said... running through me head...

Ok, the above title is actually from a song  :P

I'm not sure if it's the weather that's causing all this havoc in me, but I find myself extra sensitive lately. It seems that a lot of what people say/do really upsets me... cepat terasa... I'm not sure if on their parts they actually meant it to be so or if it's just me who is putting a lot of value to something that could be considered small and insignificant detail.

I won't fool myself and think that everyone just loves me and couldn't live without me... :P of course I know there are people out there who thinks I'm a horrid person... though if by chance you are reading this, I would say that your impression of me is super wrong...  hehehe, bole tak? :P  but seriously, I am different around those that I don't really know and any one of my closest of the closest would agree... the people that knows me best... well, it would be my sister. Now before darling hubby gets all tangled up and spitting fire... she knows me best because she has been there all my life... she was there when I was a demon of an older sister (asyik cubit her to see her cry), she was there when I cried from fear (silly dog scared me so much I couldn't move), she was there at my best and she was there at my worst.

We used to share a room and we would tell stories (or argue) just before both would just drift of to sleep... she would know just exactly when I'm about to cry...and when I'm sad (before I would even say anything). Needless to say she has always looked out for my interest. That is why she knows me best... because she knows ME... and still loves me anyway...

I guess that brings me down to the gist of the problem that is pulling me down. As our mum's taught us from small, always put yourself in the other people's shoes and do unto other what you wish others would do unto you... so when you faced with a whole roomful of people that has become a part of your lives, you treat them with respect and care. But it's confusing and sad when you find that their smiles and thoughtfulness is just a front and behind the screens you are just another stranger. Or maybe the front was a show of respect on their part? Well to me it seems like a whole big whoop of lies.

I get confuse when I trip people and catch them in little white lies. It makes me uncomfortable and shows me that not all that you say can be trusted. Heck, even the smiles could be lies ya? Hmmm...

I'm going around and round n circles because I feel like dishing out things that are better left unspoken. But I do feel hurt with a few people in my life this week and I'm trying, even now to ignore that feeling.

Let's take a break...

Hands, Foot, Mouth Disease

Wouldn't believe it if someone was to tell me that one day I would have to see my loved one battle through this disease... but there it is... the virus attacked 2 of my loved ones... Little Yayel and Little Lissy just a few days before my sister's birthday. Hearing the name would evoke a number of gruesome images... the fact is that the disease is quite common among pre-schoolers... this is because it is a very very contagious disease. It's not air borne, but it spreads by touching infected items and skin.

Fact is children just loves to put things in their mouth and this is why the virus travels and goes rampant when a group of toddlers are put together. Through my research from various website on the net, the virus comes form the intestinal tracts and would pass when hygiene is not practiced in disposing the pampers/stool properly. It would then go from one person to one person by touch of infected items (dirty hands touching rattle/soft toys) or from skin to skin upon contact with saliva or water discharge from the blisters that would be present on the child's hands or feet.

Though the disease works itself fast, symptoms would go away within 3-5 days, it is indeed a painful disease.

My darling Yels started having mild fever on Wed night, and by Thurs night the blisters were already apparent on his feet though it seemed mild. The first indication that had alerted my sister that something just wasn't right was the ulcers that had appear in his mouth. A trip to the ER confirmed that it was HFM. Yel seemed alright at first. Being his normal manja self, he just played and refused food, but around noon the next day the pain was starting to be too much for him. Trying to get him to drink milk was a trial itself and when I heard how he cried when they needed to give him meds to help relieve the ulcers in his mouth just brings tears to my eyes. I wish I could take the pain away!

The worse part was when my sister texted me that he wanted to eat a cookie so badly that he tried a small nibble and ended up crying when he just couldn't swallow. Oh how I cried when I read that... my sweet Yels is hungry! Later, he cried when they gave his milk using a syringe, but said "mmm, nenen dap... nak..." and finally slept... sigh... sian my sayang... :(

We were hoping that Lissy would be spared, but her fever started the next day and a trip to the doc's showed at least 7 ulcers in her mouth. Poor darling had such a rough night.. but she's a strong girl... though I know it must have hurt a lot, she managed to drink her milk at least 2 times a day. Knowing that she couldn't really communicate what she wanted made it even worse. My sis told me that she cried from 4 am and finally dozed off at 10am.

I prayed everyday that they would get better so that the pain would go away. I was also deeply scared that Shiya might come in contact from the virus. 7 days went by and nothing happened... until on the 7th day... she had a slight fever. I was so shocked that I started crying then and there. We quickly bundled her up and took her to the paed in SS19. The doc said that it wasn't HFM and that it was just a mild fever (her temp had gone down my then). So he gave us some meds to for the fever and lotion for the rash that was on her feet.

Not satisfied, I decided to go to the Paed in Shah Alam to reconfirm and they also said it wasn't HFM. Hmmm... by then Shiya no longer had a temp... but she didn't want any milk either. It takes us roughly 30 mins to pujuk her into drinking some everytime.

What can a mother do but just trust the words of her doctor... though I honestly think that she had HFM... the rash for one thing looked bad and was at her feet and a little was present on her finger... Thankfully it started to heal (they are like blisters and eventually started to dry out). She has also started to drink healthy quantity of milk again... her normal 3-4oz. Alhamdulillah...

My only worry is that we gave her clarityn to treat the itchiness from the rash. I was hoping that I don't have to give her any meds till she's a little older... but so far since her birth I have had to give her a total of 9ml of clarityn (a total from this incident and previously when she had eczema attack arnd 2months old) and 1ml of paracetamol (took that after her 2 months check up jab). That's a lot for a little baby... sigh... just hope that nothing bad comes out of it.

So the most important thing to take out of this painful incident is that we need to practice proper hygiene. Wash your hands like always, always... be aware of what your children put in their mouth... always wash their toys... and when at another person's house or places you're not familiar with, wipe the things that your child is exposed to..ie toys, chairs... you just never know what virus/germs could be lurking.

Be safe, be well... and hope for the best...  ;)

Before I forget...

There has been a lot of new updates on my darling Shiya... unfortunately a major portion of her development I was unable to see... hate that my maid gets to have a majority of her time. Ok, let's stop this self pity wagon and just concentrate on the good stuff...

30 April
A big day indeed as I was able to see with my very own two eyes my darling baby rolling onto her tummy. Of course this happened in wee hours when she woke up hungry and angry enough to roll to her tummy. That actually made her more angry since she hates that position. Heheheh... I woke up surprised and happy... my baby dah besar! :D

This was also the day that I was able to hear her first giggle... I tickled her tummy and she let out a loud giggle until even hubby woke up! Hehehe... yeay! It was so cute and adorable. Wish I had recorded it then so that I can hear it when I"m here at the office, missing her yummy self.

Ok, that's all for now on updates... oh, she also likes to blow bubbles... some might find that yucky... but I find it adorable and cute... (of course will not encourage this cute habit)  :p