Seconds anyone?

Let me tell you about the life of a second child... You're neither up nor are you down. There are some perks... You always have someone to look up to and someone has always started carving their way through life for you to just follow in the footsteps, if you so wish.

You're also not quite last in line, so not too much pressure to impress and when needed, you're left alone... Not like if you're the youngest and everyone just vying for your attention and love.

Wonderful? Hmmm...

The life of a middle child is hard. Yeah, yeah... Enough with the syndrome whatnot already! That's just blabber dash. Nonsense coming from people who refuse to understand the complexity of just feelings... And how other people's actions just hurts.

I can't count on how many wonderful evenings and mornings are ruined by people just poking into my life. Do they see it? Do they care? No! They just wallow in their self pity and master their horrid trade of guilt tripping someone (and I mean me) into feeling bad and having me run mad just trying to please you... And you... Yes and you too...

I'm tired... Have a backache that no one cares about... Stressed about work and just plain tired -sigh-

Looking forward for the time when I can just do anything... Without worrying about all of you... Worrying that you might be hurt, frustrated, mad or sad that I'm just living MY life. As you're living yours...

When you want to make me feel bad... Please remember, I'm trying to find my way too... And that I still love you...

Names, gorgeous names...

During tazkirah last week we talked about beautiful names and their beautiful meaning. So I googled for my name... Anis means loyal friend and Nadia means the beginning...:) hehehe... I don't know about beginning, but I am a loyal friend (at least I try to be... Hehehe) I noticed that I tend to stick to a certain someone or a group of peeps... It's not that I don't want to make friends with other people (the more the merrier right?) But when I hang out with you a lot... I really enjoy ur company and just plain love you! Hehehehe... And basically will do anything for you... This goes to all, my sayang, my family and in laws and of course my small group of friends.

Ok side-tracked there... Where were we?? Oh, yea... On names... I found out what my sis's name meant tOo! :) Asma means the child of Abu Bkr... Hehhehe... Gotta find out more about that... But Aasmaa (which would sound the same kan?) means excellent and precious... I like!

Do u know that Almas means diamond? Alia means exalted or highest social standing... Nadira means rare and precious... Love love all these names... Hehehe... If ever me and hubby are lucky enough to have children, I think I'd spend days, no months... Just finding the right name for each... Yes that's right would love a big family, God willing. Amin.

Ok, enough of day dreaming... Need to finish this work so that I can get off early to visit ma seour... And kiss yayel and lissy...

Hugs! ;)

Medical Expertise

It's hard to trust doctors sometimes. For one thing, you always have to second guess them. Extensive research and googling is required as they never actually tell you what's wrong or what's happening. Goodness I actually met a doctor once who refuses to discuss an issue with me until I do research on the topic! Hmmmm... Now if this was a free consultation (though I'm sure it goes against any oath they take as a practicing doc)... I had to PAY for the consult... And she's telling me to do the research first??

That was just one bad example. Needless to say, I never went to see the doctor again. :p

Then there is this other doctor that I met due to my allergies... He was uptight and... Shall I say it? Yes... He was mean. Kept on questioning me this and that and got really mean when I just wasn't sure of the answer. For goodness sake, if I knew it I wouldn't be seeing a specialist! But that's not the best part... He kept giving me weird medicines... And it didn't even help my allegies... Just made my skin really dry. The side effects are horrific too... Yes, doc I did my research. In the end I found out myself what was causing all the havoc with my skin...

So this just shows, medical expertise is hard to get. Even when you're paying big bucks to get the proper attention. Tsk, tsk...

What brought this on? I just cancelled my follow up visit with that good for nothing mean doc... :p

Now just gotta find another doc for this other problem... But that's for later... Happy wednesday peeps! Muah! :)

Obsession...

Obsession is a horrid feeling. What it means? Well, fixating on something to the point that it's making you miserable... You wouldn't actually know you're miserable... Cause you're too 'into' the thing. Hehehe, now does that make sense?

Well, today I woke up with a frown on my face... And the frown lasted all through the morning. As the saying goes... I woke up at the wrong side of the bed. -sigh- and it's true what they said, never sleep angry. The day after will just start out wrong!

What was I angry about? Too personal to write out. Suffice to say that I was upset about something. Due to my current obsession, that upset just fed itself on questions that can't be answered by anyone. Hahahaha, this para must make zero sense!

Anyhow, feeling slightly better now. But my mind still a buzz on the many many questions that I have. I'm so obsessed that I've even started googling for answers like everyday for the past couple of weeks... And I mean everyday! For those who knows me well, this is just something that I don't do... Tsk tsk...

Well, darlings... Obsession could also mean passion... To want... And crave... A healthy dose is always a good thing right?

Hmmm... Well, happy lunchy!

You & me...

Sunrises... Catches your breath
The beauty of it's fire
Lifting the darkness from the sky
And showering you with it's magnificence...

Touches your soul
The feeling emits resonance of pureness
Feel it baby
The fire, the strength.

Sunset... Quietly leaving chaos
Softly yet inspiring in it's everlasting sweetness
Lasting vision of it's fierceness
Calming, enveloping warmness.

Your presence... Darling, your spirit

Like the sunrise... Raises me to greater heights
Fires my passion; and all... in the beauty of your self
Like the sunset... Soothes my troubling soul
Closing my heart in your protective arms...

Eyes closed to your wonderful waking dream.

Baby I want it...

Up and down, up and down... Round and round we go. Like a bad romance or a saturday night gone wrong. When you fall in love and find out that it's just not the right time... Or this is the moment and you find that the company's just not right. Been there... Well, that's half of the journey that hubby and I had to endure trying to find our 'spot'.

We've been searching for a place to call home for 1.5 years now. There were always something not clicking or not right. Fallen in love a couple of times but somehow it just wasn't the right time. We've visited several prime spots and some that are not so nice. Goodness the prices shocked us! I was always the prudent one. Not wanting the place that puts too much of a dent to our earnings. While hubby dear wanted somewhere good and not too small. Compromising was tough...

I think deep in our hearts we already have what would be ideal. A new development at a good location, close to any of our family members, good space and an 'ok' price. I wrote 'ok' since where can you get all that at a cheap price anymore? Houses are noooot cheap.

Have you ever fallen in love and knew it's the one? Well, we have.

We waited too long though and price has already been hiked up RM30k! Arrgh!

Questions, questions in my mind racing... Is leasehold ok? What are the hidden charges? Can we save up enough? Bills, bills? Hehehe...

Well, baby steps ya...
1. Can I get a loan to cover - possibly yes
2. Downpayment covered - possibly yes
3. Loan forms - done
4. Layout ok - yes
5. Exit and entrance of location ok - yes
6. Sun position - great!

Ok, agent has been notified... Next step is to make the booking for the unit.

My feelings? Alternating between excitement and worry.. :p

Wish me luck! Muah... :)

Sorry might be a little late... or is it?

Something happen during the weekend that got me panicky.. You could say that I met with a certain group of people that I used to be close with... And I must say the reception was cool... It made me think of where did it go so wrong. Something triggered my memory of a not so distant phone conversation with G (let's keep it anonymous). G had called me about a problem and asked for my opinion on A. I was of course torn since I hardly knew G, but to hear the stories and tears behind G's voice, I quickly became sympathetic. So we spent hours just talking and me divulging on some details about A. It wasn't as though I told a secret... It just might have been some stuff better left unsaid.

So my mind racing now wondering if perhaps A knew about that one conversation.

Well, dear... I know that I owe you an apology. No secrets were told, and nothing mean was said. I was just advising G as any other would. But should you find that offensive, then I'm sorry. I believe you're a good person. And whatever that G might have said, well that's between you and G.

Well there it is, my confession of a misguided call. Sometimes I mean well, but the bigger picture always escapes me till it's too late. *sigh* well, a part of living is to learn and I hope I become wiser soon.

Should.stop.gossiping.

Behave darlings, and only send out good thoughts from now on.

Muah! Nitey!

Growing up...

There's a new addition in the family... Her name is Alyssa Sophia. She a beautiful 4.58kg baby and when she makes that soft sweet sound that all babies make before they start fussing... *sigh* oh so comel! I can't wait to get to know her better... already I can imagine the two of them, Yayel and Lis Lis running around the house and causing super havoc! Hehehe...

All this just kept me thinking of how me and my siblings were when we were younger. Hmm, ok maybe not as young as Farel or Alyssa. :p Just us, maybe around 10 years or 15 years back. The fights we've had and the petty dinner table arguments. The birthday cakes and birthday dinners... and the special outings (very rare but that makes it all the more special) with just the three of us... :P My sis would be the baby, albeit a temperamental one. My fights with her will be loud and quick, but just as quickly, all will be forgotten.

A special memory? A birthday outing with them on my 17th birthday. We went to OU (hey, that was far for me since the furthest I ever went without my parents at that age was to Pyramid) to get my birthday present and watch a movie. All paid by my bro of course... they got me this cute purple spaghetti strap top from Sommerset Bay and we watched Blue Streak. It was so much fun! We laughed and just spent quality time. There's a million more special memories that I could write about... our time in Rome, the trips coming back from Malacca during my Uni days... needless to say... life has been an exciting journey and it gets even more precious having them near.

So I can't wait for the mischiefs that the baby duo will have soon... cause I know it'll be great... with a mummy as special as Meq and an uncle as awesome as Abang, the trip of growing up will be marvellous indeed!

Love you Alyssa darling... welcome to the family...

XOXO   ;)