Glucose Test

Yesterday my bff and I had to go for the glucose test. Not that our babies or our weight were showing signs of alarming rapid weight gain... but mainly due to our family history with diabetes. Hearing lots of horror stories about the dreaded glucose drink, I was a bit nervous. Well, who wouldn't be if even drinking iced tea or apple juice can cause you to have horrid nausea... (both used to be my all time fav... now.... erm, no thanx! :p  )

Nyhow, the day started early as we needed to get there by 9am. Blood pressure and weight checked... (eek! gained another 2.2kg!)... took a blood sample... and then.... the yummy drink...  :) hehehehe

What does it taste like? Very, very, very sweet..... actually for the first half of the cup... it wasn't so bad. Blame it on my sweet tooth. But by the second half, it was harder to swallow since my throat was starting to burn from the sweetness... but i managed to finish it. That was never the actual fear or problem. The harder part was of course keeping it down for the next 2 hours! And there were times when I felt it might be impossible... :P

Hehehe... so much drama over a drink. Safe to say that we both made it through, had a super lunch and ODed on gossips... with normal results for the blood test... Alhamdulillah...

As for darling baby... she's growing well and actively moving which makes mummy grateful and happy. Annnnddd... after 32 weeks of waiting.... I was finally able to catch a glimpse of my sweetheart's face... hehehe... always keeping it a secret. I guess she's shy and didn't want anyone else to see (was alone to see the doc at 4pm). Such a beautiful baby of mine! hehehe..... a little chublette with mummy's nose! hehehehe... :D

Sigh... can't wait to gomol you!

Will try and upload an image soon... hehehe... muah!

Stroller, stroller...

After months of searching and much contemplation of one brand to another... We finally found a perfect stroller for our princess! :) the color is dusty and dark rose pink combo. The best part is that for the first 6 months, the baby can use the bassinet. I've always loved strollers with bassinet.

This just proves that patience pays off... I'm so glas we didn't get the peg perego or blue graco stroller or even the purple combi stroller... Came very close to making a purchase... But somehow, there was always something holding me back... Either the basket, or color or just plain price... In the end we found the perfect combo.

I was also wonderfully surprised from my mum when she told me that the stroller is a present from my parents to baby darling... :D

Hehehe... Thank u che and tok dad!! Lots of kisses and hugs from baby... Muah!

31st Week

Pregnancy is a joy... at the same time, it is also brings to light new behavioural patterns that sometimes you're just not that proud of. That would be my definition of my pregnant state. :)

At 31 weeks:

• I still get nauseous especially in the morning and after my evening meal. Food tastes better compared to the first 5 months, but after eating I often wished I didn't because the after taste of the food would hit me then and keep me feeling yucky for quite some time... what could make it better? Nothing... not even sweets... cos sweets have an after taste too!
• The baby stretches a lot... more than she wiggles or kicks... and sometimes I need to soothe her gently back into place. I guess my tummy needs to grow bigger to accommodate her larger size...hehehe... But every stretch and every kick and wiggle makes me smile and sometimes I even laugh by myself cos I love it when she does it. The movements let me know that she's doing well.
• I've only experienced 1 episode of her hiccuping in my tummy. It was so cute that I wanted to take a vid of my jumping tummy. But unfortunately the vid's quality wasn't any good due to the poor lighting. Poor daddy was out that time and couldn't see his daughter's cute movement.
• My tummy is getting really heavy nowadays... walking seems to be a trial and sometimes just standing up, my lowwer tummy aches with the weight of the baby bump. It's been especially hard these last few days.
• My lazy symptom of pregnancy... meaning too lazy to go out, too lazy to clean up and too lazy to cook/bake... it's all still there (could it be pregnancy or could it be the real me?? :P  )
• Shopping spree mode has sort of ended for me. I realised that clothes-wise I have more than enough to last for at least the first month at least... I've also bought all the essential items baby might need for the first few weeks like bottles, steriliser, baby monitor, cot, blankies, mittens and socks... The rest, like cute dresses and tops or extra mittens... I can always shop later after my 30/45 days of pantang. It'll be more fun that way since I will actually know her actual size. :)
• Room is Kajang is sadly still not ready for baby dear... some of the knick knacks are just hard to find a place to keep it. So there it is on the table, an eyesore till I find a place to dump it. Until then, we can't move in the cot. Even the wardrobe in IKEA is still unavailable due to some of the parts are sold out. Hopefully we could finally purchase the set this weekend!
• Room is Subang? Almost ready... just a few things needed to spruce it up and of course the multitude of laundry needed to be done... but that's all in January's list. :)

So there it is...my lengthy update on what's up and about at 31 weeks   :)

My next check will by on Tues and sure to be trial as I need to go for a glucose test. Hope I can keep it all in and hopefully the results will be good. Insyallah...

Tea Party for Baby and Mommy

Well, I think I've mentioned a few times that I love surprises (as long as they are good and happy ones that is). But being the person who loves planning parties, I wasn't putting much hope on any parties being done for me. For one, I have limited close friends... and two, well... who's gonna be the planner and decorator?? :P When I got pregnant, funny how the first people to point this out to me were my parents... as they shook their heads and smiled.

Then came the surprising announcement from my sister one fine day while we're having lunch with the chickies... "oh, my sis punya baby shower nanti 2nd week of December". Hahahaha...big laugh there... now THAT was a surprise. :p But of course she was laughing and saying she's scared I wouldn't like the deco or the theme. And I told her... "please don't tell me... I want it to be a surprise".

And so came the days and weeks where information was eventually leaked out to me... hehehe, little by little... the funniest would be from my parents of course! My mum came to me the week before the bash and insists that the date be changed to when she's around... -big laugh- I told her again and again I didn't know anything and just to talk to my sister... then came the call just as I was about to step out the house on my way to the bash (of course on the pretense of having late lunch with hubby)... my dad... he wanted to know when I was going for the function... heheheheh... I kept on saying that I didn't know and he kept on insisting to know if I was on my way to 'the house'...  :P

So I must admit that the surprise bash wasn't really a surprise... but what surprised me.... that everything else... was PERFECT... :)  Always a big fan of perfect settings... my sister did a really beautiful job on the deco... the theme was Tea Party... there were gorgeous flowers... even cut out ones on the wall... complete with a sash that said "mum to be" for me! :)  We had plenty of yummy food arranging from savoury pastries to sweet and yummy cuppies... All the people that was supposed to be there.... were there...

A special note needed to be made about the doorgifts... my sis had managed to make a personalised bag, complete with a personalised tea bag with yummy smelling soaps and potpourri... hehehe... love it so much! Oh and balloons... a must at any parties... :D

I had so much fun that day! Now is it a wonder why I love my sister so much? She has always made my special days, special for me...

Love you meqqy! Thank you for the wonderful surprise... you really know me... hugs!

The Nanny Search

It is times like these when you find out who is really dependable and sweetly helpful. Why? Because it is not easy to get help from anyone... and I mean anyone... be it friends, family or colleagues. Well, if it's hard to weedle out info from your family and friends, can you just imagine what it'll take to get info from strangers?

And so begins my rocky journey in trying to find a nanny for my darling princess. I foresee myself being a paranoid mummy, and it shows in the way I try and select my nanny. After all, I won't be home to supervise her from morning till evening! :(  So it must be a trustworthy lady and even then, I will have to closely observe her later.

My initial idea was to try and do it the economical way. Meaning trying to arrange the selection from Indon (since it's so hard to get an English speaking Cambodian) myself and doing the immigration part here directly. The tricky part would be to identify the maid in Indon itself as I don't really know anyone who can help me find a good and dependable person there. Hmm... it's not like I can just agree to anything and anyone. A couple of people actually managed to pass me numbers to agencies over there, but again I felt as though I was heading for a dead end. My mind is dizzy with unanswered questions and insecurities because let's face it... I could be lied to by these people and I wouldn't know it. That is  how gullible I am. Sigh...

So next was to explore the agencies over here and I was able to get 3 numbers from my in-laws. One didn't bother to return my call and the other 2 was different in 2 ways... information I was getting and the price tag. The first agency had a cheaper price tag... a diff of arnd RM2,400! But my chit chat didn't turn out so well. They couldn't really assure me that the maid would be coming on time (around Jan/Feb would be ideal). No real explanation was given on how to proceed or the procedures involved in obtaining the maid from Indon. Soooo... I was left with more questions and uncertainties. This agency was used by my BIL and the maid had arrived late..plus.... heard that should they wish to replace this current maid (they're not that happy with her), they wanted to use a different agency. Now my confidence in this agency is really shot down.

The second agency had a hefty price tag. My mind still struggles to accept that we would have to pay that much. Honestly I am still trying to reconcile myself to the thought. But the major difference was the information given was so much and reassuring. The agent really follows up with me and though I would ask the same questions, I will always get and answer. The best part is that the maid is set to arrive either end of this month, or early next month... which is just perfect as it's better to be early than late.

So there you go... my headache for the past couple of months. Tugging and bothering people to answer my text and questions... even to the point of calling them for help... and of course, the constant computation in my head for benefit vs costs... My big fear? Being swindled by these people whom I've never dealt with before.

Some part of me wish I could go whining to my parents to please help me... but I am 27 years old and I guess the good decisions and the bad ones will have to come straight from me.

I just hope this search will be over soon and that we find a good and dependable nanny/maid for my darling... hopefully, hopefully...

Insyallah...

Speghetti Bolognaise

Me and my sis made our fav pasta dish on Saturday eve... the one pasta dish, speghetti bolognaise, that we've always had in our house thanx to mummy dear and can now cook at a moment's notice... hehehe of course we dont do it from scratch. But with all the conveniece available at our finger tips... why bother trying to be top chef or even master chef?? As my mummy in law said... why lah nak buat the hard way? :P

The sauce is the best part... I can actually eat it with pasta... bread or even by itself... and for this year's party, I even served it with chips as a dipping sauce. Yum! :) What's the recipe?

Onion...minced beef/chicken, chili boh... preggo sauce (now that's the magic potion) and of course, chilli/tomato sauce and salt/ sugar to your heart's desire...  :)

Simple huh? Wish I had some pics to upload... maybe next time. Actually feel like making more of it this weekend.

Ok... should really start doing some work now... heheheh...   ;)

Me, my baby & I...

My baby is now 28 weeks old, just shy of 2 weeks from my thrid trimester. I had my check up a couple of days ago and the doc confirmed again that it's a girl. :) I've been a bit restless that the verdict might change. Don't get me wrong... boy or girl, my love is still the same... but I HAVE been shopping non-stop and since pink is my fav color..... well, you can just imagine all the stuff that I've bought :P

Anyhow, my baby moves a lot now... kicking and stretching away. Makes me really happy knowing she's active and happy inside my tummy. According to the doc, she's 1.13 kg and has good growth. Alhamdulillah.

We still couldn't see her face though...heheheh, she's keeping it a secret and I guess planning to surprise us later during delivery. Maybe she gets it that her mummy loves surprises! :D But we got a clear view of her beautiful fingers that she kept in front of her face the whole time. Hmm... now that reminds me of her Aunty Chu! :P

At this stage, sleeping and resting (even sitting still in a car) is very tiresome. I feel like there's something pressed against my stomach and comfortable breathing feels hard... so if you're near me, you'll probably hear me sigh a lot. Heheheh, even the doc laughed at me... "anis, this is only 28 weeks!" hehehehe... as my bff said, me the drama queen.... but I do get tired a lot lately, especially since I cant sleep straight through the night anymore. I think I wake up 3-4 times just to go to the bathroom! tsk tsk tsk...

Ok, now some tidbits on shopping project... the year end sale has officially started in Malaysia (causing my hubby's frown this morning when I told him :p  ) Haven't had the time to survey the shops yet, so am not sure if the sales are any good. But most definitely I want to visit Ikea soon to check if Baby's wardrobe is there yet. Bad strategy though going shopping at the end of the month (hmm... maybe should wait till mid Dec) cos everyone will be shopping as they just got their salaries. Another hunting item on my list? That comel kitty cat teddy that I saw in Monthercare. It was gone when I went there to get it! :(  so now my mission is to find it in other outlets..... it's crazy I know... but it's soooo cute... gotta have it... for baby that is... hehehe :P

Raya Aidilfitri 2010

It's been months since Hari Raya... but here I'd just like to post a short entry on that day and some fav pics of mine... :)

Raya started at Kajang house this year... promised hubby to spend the morning with mama and papa bersalam-salaman... He was sweetly excited in the morning... after Prayers, we gathered in his parents room to ask for forgiveness and just celebrate Hari Raya together with Along, Kak Liyana and Andy. Sadly, the family wasn't complete this year since Angah, Kak Ir and Ilhan went back to Sandakan to spend the raya there.

After that we went to my parents house in Subang for the remainder of the day. Though my stomach was already full, I can't resist sampling some rendang and nasi impit (my fav raya food) while we waited for the ever late Meqy and her entourage. Anyhow, here's some of my fav pics for this year's raya...

That's me and naz holding on to my tummy and our precious 3 months baby :) Where's abang u might ask? Well, he's the cameraman! :P

Pressies for Little Baby Shiya

I was talking to my bff the other day and she made a nice point, what should she get for darling baby since I've been on such a shopping craze for the past few weeks?? :P

And as promised, I am making a short list of what I still need... :)

1. changing mat
2. matching mittens and socks
3. fitted sheets (52"x28")
4. diaper bag
5. gorgeous hooded towels (dunno why I'm obsessed with this :P  )
6. baby rocker
7. Utility box from Mothercare (not sure what it's really called... but can be used to put all the little stuff neatly inside.
8. Sleepsuits from Mothercare (3-6months)
9. gorgeous receiving blankies
10. matching top and pants (pants that covers the whole feet)
11. cute kitty stuffed toy from Mothercare (I think mommy wants this more)
12. dresses



Well, that's what I can think of at the top of my head... heheheh... for now, shopping mode has stopped while I clean away at the cobwebs and mountains of stuff that is my room in Kajang. It's already looking better already. I found a couple dozens of clothes to give away... (poor hubby had no choice but to give in) and threw away some few kgs of old paperworks. Seriously I feel liberated and lighter just thinking about it. Now there's just clumps of messiness that I need to sort out and somehow find a little space for it.

Hopefully the wardrobe that we saw in IKEA will be available soon. It's all white (which matches her crib) with two pink doors... ahh, perfecto for my Princess, though the price was a little higher than what I had budgeted for. :)

Me at 6 months and 2 weeks... :)

Outing with the chickies for Tinie's Birthday

Hmmm... think I look more chubby than pregnant  :P

My sunshine, my nephew... little yelli boo...

My little yels was born on 22nd Feb 2009... a cute and cubby bundle of joy... the first time I held him, was so wonderful that I almost cried. I remember those days of caring for him (I had quit working then) and had all the glorified fun of bathing, washing, feeding and putting him to sleep. The sounds that he makes when he sighs and starting goo-gaaa-ing just sends flutters through my heart! :)

You know what I just love about him? His sweet and yummy smell... I could just kiss and smell him all day long... I love to graze my cheeks against his baby soft hair... lucky for him and his sis (Lissy), they are blessed with a full set of hair from day 1...

Anyhow, looking through my blog...I realised that I have not put up any posts about his 1yr birthday! Goodness, it was held 8 months ago, but lemme just make some short notes and uploads some pics just to show you how much he's grown... Now he's such a sweet boy (when he's not throwing things...) and soooo manja... who can resist that slight crooked smile and the big puss in boots eyes...I certainly just melt away and start gomoling him until he screams... hehehehe

Ok... back to the birthday party... the theme was Cars... I'm not sure why i chose this theme in particular but I guess I was thinking of the many characters in the Cars movie and was excited to depict all of his baby guests as one of the characters (bailed out on this idea later... they're just too young to understand!)... And so the color was balck and red, Duh! hehehe...

We have limited space at our home, so only closests of the closests friends are invited for this tea time affair... I got my usual deco of helium balloons and handmade simple designs of traffic lights to be hung arnd the house. Then we hung a huge 'Happy Birthday' banner... For little gifts, all the guests received candies... but i reserved a special gift set for all the parents of the baby guest lists... The babies were Zara Yasmeen, Andy Zariff, Ilhan Emre, Dani Nashrin and Nia Karlysa. Each babies received some party favors such as Cars yoyo, matching color plates and utensils... and for the parents, a picture to remind them of this special occasion. :)

The party was a blast... full attendance and full of laughter and fun... We even got a small no.1 cake for Yayel...

Thank you to everyone who had made the day special for Yayel and thank you for all the wonderful pressies... he still plays with them till this day....

And you know what surprised me most? His obsession is with cars.... he can never get enough of cars... be it big, small, shiny or colorful... as long as its a motor vehicle... he'll play with it all day long... he'll say... "voooommmm..." hehehehe...

Shopping Galore

Hi, I'm Anis... and I'm a shopaholic.

Those who are close to me would know what a shopping nut I am... I get excited just browsing through items and even window shopping. Like all girls, I love pretty and new things. Hehehe.... I can just imagine hubby shaking his head! :p

One wonderful thing about shopping is the art of choosing someone a gift, be it for a birthday, wedding or just for the sake of seeing them smile. That's one of my fav pastime and I had a super time in 2009 shopping for my 3 new baby nephews!

However, this year I am having a blast! I can now shop for my beautiful princess. -big smiles- This mommy to be is just crazy thinking of all the cute things to get in readiness of my princess's arrival in February. In fact I've made lists after lists. Some might say, there's only so much you need. But dears, it takes a lot to plan for two houses! Yes, I will be commuting back and forth still between Subang house and Kajang house. It's gonna be tiring, but that's the only fair thing to do till our place is done in 2012. For me though, that's just the excuse I need to look for pinky pretty necessity (I already have some of Farel's stuff in Subang).

The first item i bought for darling baby is receiving blankies and rompers. I had waited till I was 6 months pregnant before actually making that first purchase. Then daddy bought her this gorgeous white crib that mommy fell in love with  :P

I've been keeping my eyes on my normal shop haunts for sales and bargains since it's so close to the year-end sale. Then I'll probably go crazy getting her all the little stuff such as mittens and socks, sleep suits etc. In fact I heard that today is the big Mothercare sale...! Can't wait! The only thing that I can't seem to make up my mind is the stroller to buy. One day I would like a compact one and the obvious choice would be Quinny and other times I would like to get a practical yet slight bulky one like my sis's uses, which is Peg-Perego. Sigh, I just can't make up my mind. Not to mention choosing just the right color... I mean it's got to be somewhat neutral for our future babies, and what if the next one is a prince? :P

For now it's definitely between Peg-Perego, Quinny or Combi...

Hmm... can't find a pic of the Combi stroller that we're considering. But we're definitely leaning towards that... it's lighter than Peg-Perego and yet has the compartments that I'm looking for...  :)

Well, that's all for now... :)

Past Reflection

Time passes by, sometimes quickly... Sometimes ever so slowly.

Dreams flutter in wake of reality,
Thoughts of tomorrow there, but seems so far and distant...
Hand in hand we step into our own world...
Laughing, dancing and yes... Shouting and crying.

A thousand words could not describe the joy I had felt that moment in time...
Nor could a thousand drops of rain compare to the tears that was shed.

Against each other, for one another...
Destiny is elusive,
Fate is exclusive...

I find myself in today's life... Some parts missing,
Some... Replaced.
For better or worse?
That's for tomorrow's reflection...

Collision of wills and desire... Fusing a slow yet brightening spark...
My own saving grace... My heart, my soul.

All the tears went unwasted,
All the joy not unnoticed...

And so I thank you... My once smiles, my once bitterness...

Just a lil update...

Wow, it has been so long since I last blogged. Partly due to this crazy laziness that has been bugging me and partly due to the morning (or more like all day) sickness. Everyday day and night for the past 2 months I have been feeling super nauseous and couldn't really keep anything down. I would say that eating and immediately sleeping goes hand in hand as that's the only way I could actually keep any food in my belly. But thankfully the worst seems to be over. I'm still nauseous, though I could manage it better now. Food tastes better too. Happy happy me... :)

Yesterday was my monthly checkup and I got to see my baby again. What a relief that was! :D been worried for awhile since at 4 months pregnant I'm still losing weight. In fact people can't really tell that I'm pregnant, my tummy is that flat (well flat meaning normal lemakish and not round) hehehe... But the doc seems not worried about the weight loss and the scan showed good growth. So I'm happy :)

Baby was quiet yesterday. I would say its probably cos I'm fasting. My darling is conserving energy. Hehehe... No jiggle dance like last month. Sometimes I think I feel a flutter, but can't be really super sure... Already I can't wait for the checkup!

Well that's all for now. Selamat berbuka everyone... And selamat menyambut hari merdeka ;)

Muah!

Miracle Baby

One day I was just staring out, seeing nothing really... But just reflecting on my life. What it is I am wanting, what I have and should be grateful for... And those other things that seems so unobtainable. And as I stood there silently, I thought, well only God Almighty could ever grant my most inner desire. With his blessings, it could be a reality no matter how impossible it seems. So I ended my musings with a short prayer and I remember praying for a miracle.

On 13th June, our 1 year anniversary, I woke up feeling restless. I've been feeling different and wanted to check if there's good news up ahead.

The test showed 2 lines! Really? My mind can't seem to wrap around the idea of a positive sign. I read the box twice and even took a picture, scared that the lines will just disappear as soon as I blink. Then I woke up hubby dear... He saw the 2 lines too. :)

Our miracle is here...

Alhamdulillah...

I could... I would... I should...

I could be sad... I could be happy... I could go crazy!

But I want to be happy... Even if at the same time I'm sad...

So there, a smile pasted.

No one can see the headache...

Just gotta stop thinking... And feeling...

Ending now with a smile.

skippity skip goes the stone...

We go through life one step at a time. First it was baby and toddler years (not many memories here though), then there's kindergarten, middle school, high school, uni years and working life... Throughout some people stay with us until now like my darling friends Adik Ya and Tinie whom I've known since I was like 4! :) and some remains with us through memories be it good or bad...

That first outing out... The days when we would go out in matching clothes with our friends (ala ala cool! :p ) and there is that first flutter when you were misguided to think that particular guy's smile could actually make the sunrise stop and stars to burst (yea, girls are romantic like that) and of course the amazing nite you spent with this amazing guy that you just KNEW is that one and a few years later hear him utter the lafaz that binds you as man and wife...

I guess I just wanna give a shout out to those who has touched my life... And hoping that the good memories will last forever... Cause truly we've had so much fun! Each skipping stones sets a new ripple...

la la laalala laaaa

Hmm... just felt like writting nothings into the air...

I'm at the airport right now with hubby, meq, ajee and ana. We're sending off ajee and ana to Aussie. Wouldn't it be nice if I could go along? Hehehe, been wanting to go there forever!

Sleepy though... *yawn*

Looking at all the yummy food in front of me... Seriously, super looove mcd... I could like eat it for every meal and every day... But right now it's too late to eat... *sigh*

Me...

Love McD
Adore ice cream
Sweet tooth... All things desserts are my likes...

Ok, bad company if I'm always looking at the phone when topics are buzzing arnd me...

Nitey darlings... Happy weekend!

Looking for that something great...

Sometimes you just feel sad. It could be a number of reasons... From the very petty stuff like not getting that bracelet you adore... To the serious kind, like when someone you love passed away. When that sad feeling hit you, it seems the world might as well end since everything just isn't right anymore.

There are times I've been hit by this melancholy feeling. And I'll tell you, I could just snuggle in bed and sleep for hours! Or cry... Or hear sappy music... I'm sure you get my meaning. :p

Well, it took me 27 yrs to finally deal with it healthily... Well, still learning... But somehow I'm better at it now...

When you're down, just take a step back and mentally go over your feelings. Don't find faults... Just understand why and what is happening... And start appreciating everything arnd you... Ur family, friends and yes even that old teddy bear that has been with you through smiles and tears.

Take a deep breath...

In the end, it's patience. I believe that God has a plan for all of us. There's something in it for everyone. We can only but try and want.

Life is too short to dwell on the bad stuff ya? :) so let's make the best of a horrid situation and just enjoy. Easier said than done I know... But we can try right?

In the meantime... Let's go out and have fun... Promise will listen to all your troubles! ;) (you know who you are)

For my twin seperated in the womb...

My wish is simple,
I wish only for ur smiles and happiness,
The sun rising and setting with more joy to bring...

I see in you someone great,
Life's just begun,
With many more laughter and gardens to explore...

Though now it seems dark and gloomy,
Do hold my hand,
Don't let go...

We'll make it through,
You know why..?
I'll believe it for you...

I love you...

Seconds anyone?

Let me tell you about the life of a second child... You're neither up nor are you down. There are some perks... You always have someone to look up to and someone has always started carving their way through life for you to just follow in the footsteps, if you so wish.

You're also not quite last in line, so not too much pressure to impress and when needed, you're left alone... Not like if you're the youngest and everyone just vying for your attention and love.

Wonderful? Hmmm...

The life of a middle child is hard. Yeah, yeah... Enough with the syndrome whatnot already! That's just blabber dash. Nonsense coming from people who refuse to understand the complexity of just feelings... And how other people's actions just hurts.

I can't count on how many wonderful evenings and mornings are ruined by people just poking into my life. Do they see it? Do they care? No! They just wallow in their self pity and master their horrid trade of guilt tripping someone (and I mean me) into feeling bad and having me run mad just trying to please you... And you... Yes and you too...

I'm tired... Have a backache that no one cares about... Stressed about work and just plain tired -sigh-

Looking forward for the time when I can just do anything... Without worrying about all of you... Worrying that you might be hurt, frustrated, mad or sad that I'm just living MY life. As you're living yours...

When you want to make me feel bad... Please remember, I'm trying to find my way too... And that I still love you...

Names, gorgeous names...

During tazkirah last week we talked about beautiful names and their beautiful meaning. So I googled for my name... Anis means loyal friend and Nadia means the beginning...:) hehehe... I don't know about beginning, but I am a loyal friend (at least I try to be... Hehehe) I noticed that I tend to stick to a certain someone or a group of peeps... It's not that I don't want to make friends with other people (the more the merrier right?) But when I hang out with you a lot... I really enjoy ur company and just plain love you! Hehehehe... And basically will do anything for you... This goes to all, my sayang, my family and in laws and of course my small group of friends.

Ok side-tracked there... Where were we?? Oh, yea... On names... I found out what my sis's name meant tOo! :) Asma means the child of Abu Bkr... Hehhehe... Gotta find out more about that... But Aasmaa (which would sound the same kan?) means excellent and precious... I like!

Do u know that Almas means diamond? Alia means exalted or highest social standing... Nadira means rare and precious... Love love all these names... Hehehe... If ever me and hubby are lucky enough to have children, I think I'd spend days, no months... Just finding the right name for each... Yes that's right would love a big family, God willing. Amin.

Ok, enough of day dreaming... Need to finish this work so that I can get off early to visit ma seour... And kiss yayel and lissy...

Hugs! ;)

Medical Expertise

It's hard to trust doctors sometimes. For one thing, you always have to second guess them. Extensive research and googling is required as they never actually tell you what's wrong or what's happening. Goodness I actually met a doctor once who refuses to discuss an issue with me until I do research on the topic! Hmmmm... Now if this was a free consultation (though I'm sure it goes against any oath they take as a practicing doc)... I had to PAY for the consult... And she's telling me to do the research first??

That was just one bad example. Needless to say, I never went to see the doctor again. :p

Then there is this other doctor that I met due to my allergies... He was uptight and... Shall I say it? Yes... He was mean. Kept on questioning me this and that and got really mean when I just wasn't sure of the answer. For goodness sake, if I knew it I wouldn't be seeing a specialist! But that's not the best part... He kept giving me weird medicines... And it didn't even help my allegies... Just made my skin really dry. The side effects are horrific too... Yes, doc I did my research. In the end I found out myself what was causing all the havoc with my skin...

So this just shows, medical expertise is hard to get. Even when you're paying big bucks to get the proper attention. Tsk, tsk...

What brought this on? I just cancelled my follow up visit with that good for nothing mean doc... :p

Now just gotta find another doc for this other problem... But that's for later... Happy wednesday peeps! Muah! :)

Obsession...

Obsession is a horrid feeling. What it means? Well, fixating on something to the point that it's making you miserable... You wouldn't actually know you're miserable... Cause you're too 'into' the thing. Hehehe, now does that make sense?

Well, today I woke up with a frown on my face... And the frown lasted all through the morning. As the saying goes... I woke up at the wrong side of the bed. -sigh- and it's true what they said, never sleep angry. The day after will just start out wrong!

What was I angry about? Too personal to write out. Suffice to say that I was upset about something. Due to my current obsession, that upset just fed itself on questions that can't be answered by anyone. Hahahaha, this para must make zero sense!

Anyhow, feeling slightly better now. But my mind still a buzz on the many many questions that I have. I'm so obsessed that I've even started googling for answers like everyday for the past couple of weeks... And I mean everyday! For those who knows me well, this is just something that I don't do... Tsk tsk...

Well, darlings... Obsession could also mean passion... To want... And crave... A healthy dose is always a good thing right?

Hmmm... Well, happy lunchy!

You & me...

Sunrises... Catches your breath
The beauty of it's fire
Lifting the darkness from the sky
And showering you with it's magnificence...

Touches your soul
The feeling emits resonance of pureness
Feel it baby
The fire, the strength.

Sunset... Quietly leaving chaos
Softly yet inspiring in it's everlasting sweetness
Lasting vision of it's fierceness
Calming, enveloping warmness.

Your presence... Darling, your spirit

Like the sunrise... Raises me to greater heights
Fires my passion; and all... in the beauty of your self
Like the sunset... Soothes my troubling soul
Closing my heart in your protective arms...

Eyes closed to your wonderful waking dream.

Baby I want it...

Up and down, up and down... Round and round we go. Like a bad romance or a saturday night gone wrong. When you fall in love and find out that it's just not the right time... Or this is the moment and you find that the company's just not right. Been there... Well, that's half of the journey that hubby and I had to endure trying to find our 'spot'.

We've been searching for a place to call home for 1.5 years now. There were always something not clicking or not right. Fallen in love a couple of times but somehow it just wasn't the right time. We've visited several prime spots and some that are not so nice. Goodness the prices shocked us! I was always the prudent one. Not wanting the place that puts too much of a dent to our earnings. While hubby dear wanted somewhere good and not too small. Compromising was tough...

I think deep in our hearts we already have what would be ideal. A new development at a good location, close to any of our family members, good space and an 'ok' price. I wrote 'ok' since where can you get all that at a cheap price anymore? Houses are noooot cheap.

Have you ever fallen in love and knew it's the one? Well, we have.

We waited too long though and price has already been hiked up RM30k! Arrgh!

Questions, questions in my mind racing... Is leasehold ok? What are the hidden charges? Can we save up enough? Bills, bills? Hehehe...

Well, baby steps ya...
1. Can I get a loan to cover - possibly yes
2. Downpayment covered - possibly yes
3. Loan forms - done
4. Layout ok - yes
5. Exit and entrance of location ok - yes
6. Sun position - great!

Ok, agent has been notified... Next step is to make the booking for the unit.

My feelings? Alternating between excitement and worry.. :p

Wish me luck! Muah... :)

Sorry might be a little late... or is it?

Something happen during the weekend that got me panicky.. You could say that I met with a certain group of people that I used to be close with... And I must say the reception was cool... It made me think of where did it go so wrong. Something triggered my memory of a not so distant phone conversation with G (let's keep it anonymous). G had called me about a problem and asked for my opinion on A. I was of course torn since I hardly knew G, but to hear the stories and tears behind G's voice, I quickly became sympathetic. So we spent hours just talking and me divulging on some details about A. It wasn't as though I told a secret... It just might have been some stuff better left unsaid.

So my mind racing now wondering if perhaps A knew about that one conversation.

Well, dear... I know that I owe you an apology. No secrets were told, and nothing mean was said. I was just advising G as any other would. But should you find that offensive, then I'm sorry. I believe you're a good person. And whatever that G might have said, well that's between you and G.

Well there it is, my confession of a misguided call. Sometimes I mean well, but the bigger picture always escapes me till it's too late. *sigh* well, a part of living is to learn and I hope I become wiser soon.

Should.stop.gossiping.

Behave darlings, and only send out good thoughts from now on.

Muah! Nitey!

Growing up...

There's a new addition in the family... Her name is Alyssa Sophia. She a beautiful 4.58kg baby and when she makes that soft sweet sound that all babies make before they start fussing... *sigh* oh so comel! I can't wait to get to know her better... already I can imagine the two of them, Yayel and Lis Lis running around the house and causing super havoc! Hehehe...

All this just kept me thinking of how me and my siblings were when we were younger. Hmm, ok maybe not as young as Farel or Alyssa. :p Just us, maybe around 10 years or 15 years back. The fights we've had and the petty dinner table arguments. The birthday cakes and birthday dinners... and the special outings (very rare but that makes it all the more special) with just the three of us... :P My sis would be the baby, albeit a temperamental one. My fights with her will be loud and quick, but just as quickly, all will be forgotten.

A special memory? A birthday outing with them on my 17th birthday. We went to OU (hey, that was far for me since the furthest I ever went without my parents at that age was to Pyramid) to get my birthday present and watch a movie. All paid by my bro of course... they got me this cute purple spaghetti strap top from Sommerset Bay and we watched Blue Streak. It was so much fun! We laughed and just spent quality time. There's a million more special memories that I could write about... our time in Rome, the trips coming back from Malacca during my Uni days... needless to say... life has been an exciting journey and it gets even more precious having them near.

So I can't wait for the mischiefs that the baby duo will have soon... cause I know it'll be great... with a mummy as special as Meq and an uncle as awesome as Abang, the trip of growing up will be marvellous indeed!

Love you Alyssa darling... welcome to the family...

XOXO   ;)

Jakarta Trip

We as a family went on a trip to Jakarta for papa's birthday. I've been looking forward to this trip for a long time. One definite plus would be the great hotel that we would be staying... Grand Hyatt... though I would miss Mulia Hotel (stayed there on our last visit-superb!) But being at Grand Hyatt has it's perks. For one, we'll be like stepping distance from the shopping malls. :) Yeay!


Well, we got there later than the rest of the family, we missed the first outing and ice cream bonanza. We are like super crazy for Cold Stone. They serve the yummiest ever. Hehehe, then again...I just love ice cream. :) So there we are, at one of the prettiest rooms I've stayed in. Ahhh... love, love ... almost forgot to wish Papa happy birthday :P No worries, we made that up by giving him a call at his room (didn't want to disturb by just knocking at his door).

Day one started with a delicious breakfast with mama and papa. Later we decided to drop by Tanah Abang. Eerrmm, or rather I wanted to go there and the rest kind of got 'conned' into coming along. Oh dear, was that a mistake! We got stuck in a horrid traffic the whole way. I was feeling a little guilty in the end when we had to walk the rest of the way---the cars were just not moving. But I was determined to get my laces. Hehehe, and even through the awful crowd, all the girls had a super time shopping. I tried my hand at bargaining for the laces and though I knew that mummy could do better... but I managed to bring the price down. Yeay! hehehe... I can just imagine the pretty, pretty kebayas now... *dreaming*

The guys.... well, let's just say that they won't be so trusting next time. Poor papa... don't think he had much fun either. Anyhow, after all the hottiness of the market, we relaxed at Bumbu Desa. Have you heard of it? They serve Sunda cuisines and there's actually one outlet here at the Curve. If you like Sari Ratu, this restaurant is just for you with all their 'sambals' and dishes just makes you want more and more...no good for diet! :p

Lace, check... bumbu desa, check... what else...? SHOPPING! :) hehehe... the rest of the time is spent rounding up the Plaza Indonesia and Grand Indonesia. I'm telling you, even staying near is not enough time to check out all the shops...

Wish I had more time there... it's more than just all the food or shopping... it's just all that super quality time we get to spend with each other there. Even the babies are high holiday merrytune...  :) That's also the time that I get to cuddle and gomol them with them barely complaining...heheheh... love, love...

Papa was talking about another trip in December... Could it be? Oh... can't wait!

Tired... but happy...  :) well... got work tomorrow... nitey nite..  ;)

Someone's love... someone's heart...

Our anniversary is drawing near... It still feels like we just got married yesterday... That's how fast it all seems... But I'm still learning... Learning how to make his life smooth... Some things come easy, like laundry (he'll be the first to tell you how stressed I can get on this), ironing his shirts... Some takes a little effort though I'm trying sayang... Like cooking your favourite dishes... :)

Sometimes I go bonkers just trying understand him and it's so funny when we're both frustrated trying to get our way... "I want what you want.." "No... I don't mind really. What do you want" A game of trying to please each other. :p I always ask my hubby to tell me what he needs or what he wants... My only worry is that he's too giving and hides away his own needs from others. I want the best for him... For always...

One night during family dinner I finally said to him "sayang, what exactly do you like or want? You just never seem to ask for it. It's so hard for me to guess you know." He just smiled at me.

"You know why? The only thing that I really want is for you to be happy. Tue je..."

*sigh*

And then I remembered all the little things... Shopping trips full of my stuff, late night laundry (I'm so freakish abt laundry), tv channels that shows only my fav programs, him ordering all my fav dishes so that I got a tastes of everything... And many many more... All for me...

And I find myself being the luckiest person... To have his love, his heart...

I love you...

Struggles

Struggle.. Definition shows 'to fight back' or 'effort'. I would think this could also apply to everyday challenges that we go through...

Questions that filters through the mind, "Am I wanting the wrong things?" "Is it too much" Maybe it's all abt looking at the right place and wanting it at the right time.

Then again it could be that it just wasn't meant to be.

Inner struggles...

I remember someone told me 'you can't always have everything. *cliche, I know* So maybe that's the problem.

Happiness is subjective... And it's a choice of a state of mind. I have a lot to be thankful for. So am I just settling? No... It's more than that... It's acceptance and most definitely patience...

Because there's a bigger picture out there. I might not see it now, but I will. And so comes faith...

It's there... Just not here.. Yet...

One day...

My Datenite

Well the weekend zapped through like in a blink of an eye! How come the week days doesn't move that fast? Hehehe... Anyhow, had a bz weekend... I actually had 2 date nites... on sat it was a double date with my parents... Yeeessss, u read right, a date with my parents and on sun was my date with hubby darling.

My mom wanted to watch 'When in Rome' and seeing how I've promised to take her to the movies countless times before but failed due to one reason or another, I was determined to follow through this time. We planned to watch the 5 o'clock show with dinner after with the rest of the family. My mom was so cute in her excitement to watch the movies. She wanted popcorn and ice lemon tea. (Ok, noted for future viewing) She even went in super early just to watch the trailers... :) The movie was great. The right combination of funny, mushy for a perfect and relaxing saturday. Wouldn't exactly buy the dvd though. Hehhe...

Dinner was ruined since I had a mishap of forgetfulness that actually blew into a temper storm. I had actually forgotten to cancal my mini nasi lemak order for meq's party this weekend. Totally slipped my mind! So there was the problem equivalent to 25 bungkus of nasi lemak in Bangi, RM25 due to the abang... And me? I'm watching a movie in OU... Since no one was inclined to help me explain... (I'm learning that when you're in trouble, you actually count on nil help).. So I made the call and explain why I couldn't pick up the nasi... The abang was really nice .. Though I'm sure he felt like throttling me. I finally convinced him to pass me his account number so that I could pay him for his troubles and he was nice enough to send the extra food to a masjid.. Alhamdulillah... A silver lining perhaps?

Then came dinner (in my not so good mood with myself)... And alas, typical mustafarians... Everyone was late. Grrrrr.... I hate waiting! Alas, temper flew.. Is it so hard to get just a little respect? After all, I don't say bad things to you right? Hmmph! Nyways...

On my datenite with hubby we went to watch Alice in Wonderland... With all the hype, it was sadly disappointing.. The story was just... Well, full of bla to me and the plot just boring and not logical. Maybe it was from a book or something, but I definitely didn't get it :p

So my weekend was full of this and that... Tiring and sometimes boring... Highlights, movie with my parents and alone time with my hubby...

XOXO ;)

A Smile

Listening to my ipod again... Hahaha... And its playing When You Nothing At All by Ronan... And it reminds me of my sayang...

His smile just lights up my life. You know that calm feeling you get when everything is just perfect... A sunny day with a cool breeze, good music playing on the radio and birds chirping... That awesome fresh smell that tentalizes your senses... And the world seems kind and gorgeous... That's my sayang... Everything right in every way.

He tries his best to make me laugh everytime. And who am I kidding... No matter how bad my day went... All I need is him by my side... And I know that it's going to be alrite.

The first time I noticed my sayang was when he smiled. And the thoughts that zoomed in my mind was how handsome he was... Next? His eyes... My sayang has beautiful eyes... That smiles along with him... *sigh

:)

Birthday Surprise - Part 2

This time the preparation team was just me and hubby... Deco started in the morning and went on till the last minute. Getting the other stuffs ready such as food and cake took quite a while as we had to drive to diff parts of the town. Thank goodness hubby was here to help me towards the end since I had to make the spaghetti sauce and mini burgers. Not to mention arrange all of the food properly. I waited till the last minute to lay out the deco outside since I was scared it'll rain.

My sis's friends arrived at 8.. And had to see me scrambling abt to get things done :p

Near 9 my sis arrived. The funny part is that she got out of the car so slow that we basically had to say 'surprise' twice! She was definitely surprised and I'm so happy that she loved the dress I bought her. Gorgeous, gorgeous. The deco was also beautiful... The balloons, deco and table tops :)

My SIL's cuppies were also so cute.. Baby pink and yummy! The main dish was steamboat with mini burgers, nasi lemak and mee goreng... All of meqy's favs...

So there is it... The final surprise for the year. Loved planning every part of it. A downside to all this is basically the attendance. It was supposed to be a baby shower party as well... But so many cancelled last minute ( more like didn't bother to show up) that there were just not enough crowd to make the games fun. So I decided to forgo the games. :( luckily the majority of the stuff was bought for lisy lis anyhow. So it could be use later.

Thank you to all the friends who came to celebrate meq's birthday...

Happy Birthday meqqy (early wish) and to lis lis... We can't wait to see u! Muah!



My Baby making a face... must be cos he's wearing a pink star pin  :P







XOXO

Expectations

I'm current at my work desk... Trying to do sales analysis while listening to music on my ipod. Ok, not a very effective way to work.. But when all you want to do is run back home (it's already 4.40pm), any work is cool enough ;)

Anyhow, I just adore my pink ipod. It took me 3 years, but I finally manage to own one. Still remember those days when I started dating my hubby.. I would be gushing abt how I wish I had one and then he sweetly passed me his own for me to browse through the playlist and watch the vids... Of course I was too scared to hold it for long! Me and electric gadgets just doesn't work.. Hehehe... As I told hubby then, gadgets hate me!

Ok, got side-tracked on memory lane... What I wanted to write abt was expectations and I guess who we all become because of all these expectations. We often get mad at our parents for nagging at us to study or grounding us when our results are bad. I still remember the feeling of total dread and yes, 'stress' when its time to show our report cards. Hehehe... But part of growing up is actually realising what was right in front of us but was invisible before. Does that make sense? :p

Basically we are doing our best or we are better because of these expectations. I'm just glad that my mum pushed me hard to get those a's. Now in my late 20's I realise something even more important than others' expectations... It's the expectations we should have on ourselves. Wanting it... Wishing it... And finally living it... Life does not begin when the party starts... it begins when we start living life.

Hahahaha... Look at me rambling like an old lady...

Unspoken words...

I was just staring at my computer screen when I realise that no matter how we chat or talk endlessly with someone we're (supposedly) close to... There are abt a million more things that are actually left unspoken. Among the millions that have been said, how many of these words actually mean something and how many are actually showing what we really feel? I think that's why sometimes we have this uncontrollable
urge to just bad mouth abt people we're close to... Because we don't have the courage to let out our anger and tell them the real story.

Even now I can't write the names... Even now I can't really write what happen. I'm just peeved. Peeved that you are sometimes insensitive and selfish.

Birthday Surprise - Part 1

My sayang once told me that he has never had a birthday party. Well maybe not never.. Just as he hit puberty? Anyhow, that's when the first seeds were planted in my brain. Hehehe... What better way to put that handsome smile on my sayang's face than to plan a surprise party :p

The theme was hawaiian luau.. And the foody? Bbq of course! :) for weeks I slaved a way to make the deco to fit the hawaiian theme.. It didn't quite look the way I imagined it! :p

Guests started arriving at 8ish and the final touches was done my parents and siblings.. And arnd 8.45, we arrived at the front gate. It was dark, but my intentions were clear when he saw so many cars and tables.. Hahahaha... SURPRISE!! :)

He was happy, but shy with all the attention.

All the effort and aching muscles from the night before marathon of marinating and decorating was worth it when I saw how happy he was to have his close friends and fam. Yeay! Note to self, never do a party on the day of their bday. Gets too complicated! Hehehe... He was kinda peeved that I went mia on him earlier in the day..

Foody? Yummy bbq chics (hehe..self praise is a way to positive thinking ya ;) ) and delicious burgers.. Some tid bits there and here.. And of course angah's super salsa and mil's nasi ayam. Yum, yum!! Plenty of desserts to give us all a sugar rush.

So, one chapter is closed.. Thanx to all my dearest fam and friends for making it possible... Yeay! Happy birythday sayang... Lots of love from ur one and only wifey :)

XOXO

Me Lovin It...

My MIL and FIL came back from the US today. I actually miss them the whole week. No longer used to not seeing them or even spend time with them during the weekends. They have got to be the coolest in laws ever. They are sweet, generous and so understanding. But best of all, they are so sweet to my parents. That matters the most to me. Serious, love them so much! :)

I came back to work today knowing that I have presents waiting for me at home in Kajang. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't hoping but they did mention they were getting my birthday pressie there. Hehehe... and you know what...?

me=blown away with my presents...  ;)

Seriously love both my handbag and watch. Couldn't ask for more...hehehe... they even got a pressie for my mumsy! Oh wish I could steal that too! :P

Muah, muah.... thank you mama and papa!

Quiet and still...

The house feel strangely quiet on a Sunday morning. I walked out my room and wondered why it felt so.

Then it hit me. My sis had moved out last night and stayed at her apartment in Shah Alam. It was somewhat the same feeling I got when my brother moved out to their apartment in Damansara. Quiet, still... and just lifeless.

-sigh-

It's not as if I won't see them again. Though it's probably not going to be as often. I know I'm a little late to realise this, but we all have to live our own lives. But my family means so much to me and it's hard to let go.

Will miss our sudden breakies together in our pjs... miss our long talks till after mid night after we've put yayel to sleep... and the midnight run to buy milo (though I know we haven't done that in awhile)... our lunchys buying nasi campur when I'm supposed to be on a diet. I'll also miss yayel's voice and screams... his coo-coo and daa daa daa.... :)

But most of all, i'll just miss you meqqy boo.... love you...

;) XOXO

Passport Renewal

Woke up early today to renew my passport. Reason being was to skip the endless lines of people and get it done as soon as we can. We were racing to PKNS and found out that we didn't have my pic and copy of ic. The people here were good at anticipating people like me. They actually have someone available to take our pics and even a photostating machine. Of course in the name of bussiness they charge u double! :p

And here I am 3 hours later waiting for the passport. The renewal process was fast with the kiosk outside. Just the pick up is a bit slow. Again, like I told hubby.. Should've taken the RM100 for 2 yrs.. After if multiply that with 3 u get 6 years... As compared to the RM300 for 5 years? Hmmm...

Oh the person just called my name... 5 mins and the passport is now safely in my hands.. Jakarta, here we come! ;)

Tax

Its that time of the year again.. Time to complete the eFilling process.. I had put it off thinking of how complicated it would be but surprisingly I did it in less than a few minutes! All that delay for nothing. Don't get me wrong, I had some trouble getting into the site as I had forgotten my password. But a quick call to the centre cleared that up right away.

You know what that tells me? When it comes to collecting money, even the gov becomes super efficient :p

:) xoxo

Choc Ice Blended

Spent lunch drinking ice blended drink... yum! I love the way the choc tastes in my mouth, all chocolatey and creamy. It was a superb gossip time as me and my bff sat at San Fran. Its funny how we always talk and yet have loads of stories to tell each other.

The topic that is at the most forefront of my mind is foody, foody for the upcoming 'do. It makes me nervous just to think about it. If planned parties before, but not like this. It's like I'm trying to compete with myself and make the party bigger and more gorgeous! For once, I'm starting to think I'm in waaaayyy over my head. :P

But I can just tick off the deco part, since its mostly done. The rest I have to leave it to the last minute (which I hate doing). Afterall, I can't really prepare the food now right? Hehehehe...

Ooh, which reminds me of the near mishap I had with some of the sweets I bought for the party. Goodness, we had ants attack at the in-laws house. So many of them in my room. Thank goodness my 'stuff' was saved! But I can't say that for the army of ants. There was a horrid killing spree on my part. :(

Needless to say, I had nightmares that night... of what else, but ants.

Ok, now back to work...

;) XOXO

Baking weekend

Yesterday I made cappucino choc cheesecake and it tastes great! Hehe, so happy abt it. - have been meaning to bake for the longest of time but keep on putting it off. Finally on fri I decided to take the plunge. The base was easy to make and surprisingly the filling didn't take all that long. The only troublesome part was melting the choc.

Oh that reminds me of the mishap of the crystal bowl. It cracked! Totally my fault cos I put hot water in it. I was trying to melt the butter and choc for the topping. Mum got really mad at me. Sigh

But all in all it was a success.. Next baking session? Apple pie, brownie and butter cake.. Heheh yeay!

XOXO