Hurt

Sometimes you stay quiet... not really from a lack of things you wanted to say... but mostly because there is just so much to say that you don't know where to start...

A hurt can be a sudden slash of feelings... so great and deep, that it cuts through all layers and paralyses you... but there's also that chaffing hurt... that starts with a discomfort and it's such a small matter you ignore it until u realise that you're slowly bleeding from a cut that is too painful to ignore anymore...

But there's another softer hurt... just little jabs... it doesn't cut... it doesn't chaff continuously... but it sinks into you... until it becomes apart of you... you live with it... sometimes it appears and reminds you it's there... maybe during one of those stormy nights and your bones just aches... then it goes away... or more like you close your eyes and pretend that it's ok... and it works... just for a little while...

So no... quietness doesn't mean calmness and comfort... sometimes it means an inner struggle, trying to keep sane in a storm of emotion that is just too much to bear.

It's not so simple...

There are definitely different parenting styles and each parent has their own opinions or priorities... hard to say which is better because each has their own reasons and each child is different too... I mean I can't say what works for my Jellybean to actually work for my nephews or niece right?

But are we right in what we think we're right?? Hmm... good question huh?

Like me for example... I often watch my baby girl on CCTV... am just one of those souls who can't sit still unless I can see with my own eyes that my baby is well and looked after.. hehehe and it really irks me if I see my maid doing other things like.. oh I don't know... whatever it is she thinks she needs to do that is so urgent she had to leave my toddler walking aimlessly in her playroom or looking bored and just lying there in the living room. That will often get a call from me with some specific instructions on how to get my baby playing with some crayons or blocks and what not...

As she is growing to almost 3 however, I do notice how she likes attention and the fact that I seldom see her imaginatively play on her own... seldom not like never... but it does bother me... and it makes me think... am I coddling her too much? Making sure her needs are always met by her caretaker makes her lazy to just be independent in her play time? It's a question worth exploring...

But I also see others who put important stock in their maids doing other work during the day... and letting the child be... now is THAT the answer? I don't know... it doesn't really sit well with me... I guess I'm scared that by doing that and me not being at home, leaves my child to the mercy of others... like what if the maid just ends up ignoring my baby the whole day? It's not really that healthy right to leave the child be the whole time alone?

Well... we are always learning... and I guess it comes to a compromise in some things... it is a thing I will be definitely thinking about... and that is why I am considering sending her to school next year... just so that her mornings are filled with some activities that helps her to grow as an individual and socially adapt to others... we'll see...  :)

Something that used to be...

Do you have something that you once used to do... like in a way it is a part of you... that now... as an older adult you realise somehow you don't do anymore?

Well... I used to spend my 'me' time in my room... blasting out all sort of music and dance my heart out... hahah and when I say my heart meaning literally move to my own beat skills or no skills (more like no skills  :P  ) I would sing too... and pretend my voice was ohhh soooo good... hahahah (I don't know why in my head I used to think that a closed door means no one else can listen to me singing... ahhhh a young heart). What kind of songs would I dance to? Hmm... all sorts... classic Disney songs (menari ballet lah kan..hahahah) and then popular upbeat music... and honestly I would have the time of my life... That was my moment... my private moment.

As you grow older... reality sets in deeper... you do things that 'make sense'? I mean jumping around to the beat of Aladdin or jiggle your way pretending to be one of the Pussycat Dolls doesn't quite make sense when you're expected to do some much needed laundry and put your baby to sleep... or God forbid if you forgot to make sure groceries are in for the week before you start work on Monday.

But your baby..... the one whom you would gladly give up anything for has a knack of reminding you a part of your self that you may have ... for a little while forgot... for me... it was the pure joy of just 'dancing'... hehehe how? By me watching her dance... she doesn't move in the conventional way... hips or tapping toes to the beat of the music... no... that's too mundane for my beautiful princess.. she dances with her heart... she jumps and twirls... and have her hands flying about... and I can see the pure joy in her eyes... :)

She dances with passion... and she loves music... and when she starts moving... heheheh well.. you gotta see it... hehehe..

Well what I wanted to write out for today is that throughout time you find that you sometimes tend to lose yourself... you feel life is just a plateau of the same thing and you wonder... how? when? But I guess maybe it's about finding oneself again against time... and doing things that we love or rediscover that thing you love that makes you happy and free you to accept the part of life that tends to bring you down. Does this mean I should start dancing again?? Hahaha... well that is a funny thought... if I do... this time I would have a lovely partner... my sweet Jellybean... :)

My Wish...

This is her cheekiest expression... :) *love*

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I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big 

-My Wish by Rascal Flatts-

Sickness that follows the happiness...

Well, pregnancy is a joy to my heart... but the sickness that comes with it... well... that is the most trying part of all. I am now 14 weeks pregnant and I have been officially 'sick' since I hit 6th week.

I must say that it has been a little better... a little... *sigh*.... but sometimes... like today... I do just feel... like crying.... :(   curling up on bed by myself... and just cry and cry and cry...

Because of this awful taste in my mouth since I woke up that will not go away... my lack of appetite that will also be my undoing since it will cause me to throw up in a bit... perut dah kosong... kluar stomach asid je lah... but I don't feel like eating and whatever I managed to put in today dah pun kluar... it's one of those days... sigh...

Drinking wise... now I can seem to only drink coke... I know... I know... that's bad! But before this I could take soya... but now... it leaves a susu basi taste in my mouth for the longest time... I do force myself though to drink it now and then... mostly before I go to sleep since I can better keep it in.

I remember when I was carrying Shiya the sickness was bad too... I remember crying in the office bathroom and actually taking a 5 min nap in the office bathroom! Hahahaha... I don't do that anymore... well... the nap part... crying still happens at the oddest moments. But I don't remember it being this hard to cope with. Maybe because I'm also highly sensitive with this pregnancy... easy to tear up... I'm also a lot gassier... meaning if I don't eat... or drink too much of bubbles..wow... my stomach would feel like it was about to explode...

So... that's life right now... day in...day out... sick sick sick... the only pleasure I find is watching my Shiya and her funny antics around the house... hehehehe wish I can list down all those things just so I won't ever forget it...

I wish I was home right now... so that I can give her a tight hug... because honestly, mummy needs it so much... my forever sunshine... :(

Struggle

I think that I could stare into my baby's face and admire her all day long... hug her all day and all night... SHe is growing up so fast... and so wonderfully that everyday there is just something new SHE is teaching me or showing me... Her needs right now is so huge that I find myself struggling to meet it... I honestly do not know how other mother's of multiple babies do it... hehehe... meeting the demands of all their babies when just trying to be there always for my baby is a challenge.

Why a challenge? Hehehe... ok lah maybe exaggerate lah on that...

June came in this year that put in a lot of unplanned changes whirled me into a territory that I was unprepared for. Some of it great... some of it.... well not exactly the best moments of my life.

For starters... on 15 June 2013... I woke up at 7am.. and I don't know why except that I have been feeling different lately... I decided to do a pregnancy test... heheheh and Alhamdulillah... it was positive! I was pregnant...  :) Just to be sure, I took another test an hour later and yes, it was positive. I was soooo happy and excited. Our 2nd miracle was here... *big grin* I still remember the scan when I was 7 weeks pregnant (when I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant) and saw baby2's heart beat... flip flop, flip flop... the most wonderful gift ever.

Unfortunately it's also that month that my maid had decided to bail out on us... she went back to her hometown and never came back. Ohhhhh sakitnye hati...! I mean she could have told us that she was going for good. I would have never forced her to stay... in fact she was the one who said she wanted to continue for another year... With her stunt, we ended up having to move back in with my parents since my leave was over and I couldn't imagine sending Jellybean to a nursery. I just can't... too sad imagining her in a room crowded with other kids that she doesn't know. So now she's spending time at my sis's house while I am at work. It's working ok... I guess... sigh...

After having a maid for so long.. I must tell you, it is a struggle to maintain a good household and make sure things run smoothly. I mean I was doing fine at first... but once I hit the 6 weeks pregnancy stage... morning sickness found me... and I can no longer function properly... How do other mother's do it? The saddest moment was when I was just lying there... lifeless and nauseous... I saw my baby... just sitting next to me... holding her towel... totally bored... That was a low point... knowing that I don't have the energy to run around after her or even engage her in some fun activities because all I feel like doing was throwing up... or end up falling asleep...

She has slowly forgotten her 'kakak'.. she used to call out to her kakak when she sleeps... and everytime she does that it makes me want to cry.. and I get so angry.. but Alhamdulillah... children recover quickly and she doesn't seem to care anymore. She used to also cling to me and refuse to go out with anyone if I don't follow. So it was a bit hard since I can't go out due to my bad morning sickness... but after 2 months of mummy is boring... she is excited whenever she hears anyone going out the door... starts to look for her shoes... saying goodbye to mummy pun tak pandang... just waves and off she goes. Yes am glad... but the clingy mummy in me is kinda sad... (call it pregnancy hormones) and I must say that there are times I do cry silently when she isn't around and having fun out and about.

It helps though when she's back the first person she looks for is me.. and starts to hug and kiss me... like my own kitty cat... heheheh mummy's manja kitty cat...

Well, that's me right now... struggling... trying to maintain some semblance of normal in my life when in the last 2 months there has been so many changes that I've lost count what is where and what is what... I live in constant nausea and guilt... But life is life.. and I am trying my best. I am trying to be and stay strong... not only for my baby2 that is growing in me.. but also for my Jellybean... who needs me too...

As I usually whisper to her at night... mummy's sorry baby... mummy's trying... mummy will try harder... promise....

Hello Life.

How do people live with a lie for years and years and years...? Never once showing that they care or even aware of what's happening around them?

Yea.. for those who is living their dream this might be a befuddling question.

But having lived through 30 years of imperfections (don't get me wrong, my life is better than most and with more opportunities and good fortune for which I am grateful for) I can see how someone can actually do live within a lie. Why the lie? Perhaps because of a strength of love... or perhaps it is a lack of courage... perhaps it's a little of both.

Then again perhaps it is in our nature to be where we are most comfortable.. a safe haven that we have known all our life, even if that haven can turn into a pressure cooker faster than you can blink. I must agree that in some situation (who am I kidding, most situation) it is easier to take a deep breath... close our eyes... and just pretend we didn't hear it... we didn't see it... it is easier to convince ourselves that it's better for everyone if we become blind and deaf... the negative part? We enable that other someone to do further damage... if not to yourself... then to themselves or those closest to you. But why do we still do it...again and again... and again...

Now that is a question that I've been struggling with myself for some time now. My reason? All I can think of is for the sake of harmony. Is it better this way? I don't know... But perhaps if you have seen and been through some of the times in my life you would better understand of how important harmony is. Wish it was different? Sure... Wish that there was more in the equation? Of course. But sometimes when you lose something, it is not always easy to find your way across to that place where you were before... whose fault is that? Does it matter? I don't think so. You grieve for what could have been and feel sorry for the lost... but you let it go because there is no point in further hurting... especially when they don't understand in the first place. You can't change a person when they don't want to.. and you certainly can't make someone do something and mean it at the same time...

It's almost here...

It's count down for me... 2 more days till my long holiday... yeah, getting a taste of what it's like to be a home maker...hehehe

For the first 2 weeks I will be a little busy... what with getting my Project 01 and Project 02 to move in the right direction... and Project 03 to start... hahahah yes.... turning 30 has opened my eyes and my heart to a little bit more courage to pursue the things that matter most to me.

It's ok people... I am scared and I am feeling the pinch... working for almost 4 years... getting a steady income that has been rising slightly there and here... to suddenly getting nil next month (on unpaid leave for 5 weeks)... wow... you can't believe how the panic suddenly hit me one night and I actually feel suffocated.

All this while I can go shopping/grocery shopping/toys & clothes browsing without much thought... now suddenly I have to weigh each and every want/need to ... 'do I really need this'... 'do we really use this thing at home'... Mr. Hubby is happy though... imagine our weekly spending on groceries have actually dropped 50%! Boy, you never how much you're actually wasting till you need to save... tsk tsk....

These 2 months of no salary is gonna be a challenge I tell you... I almost just panic into saying I can't do this... but hey... with my sweet baby smiling and asking me to play with her each night, I find the courage to stay on my current path... Insyallah... we will be guided...  :) 

Connection with my Toddler

Weekends really fly past us... I mean you wait all for 5 days to get there.. and the next thing you know... it's Monday and the weekend is over... tskkkk

Last weekend we had a busy schedule... we went to Jakel for my clothing project and there, my sweetie pie Shiya had one of her meltdowns... I guess the heat... no attention from me and just the huge crowd (sale, what else)...was just too much for her to handle...

I must say I had to bodily carry her to the car... wriggling and screaming... and proceeded to watch her crying and throwing a fit all of near 20 mins... I actually lost my temper and it took quite an effort to reign it all in...

But along the craziness... I remember what Dr. Markham commented in her book "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids"... how she was just too overwhelmed and her shrieks are actually a way of her reaching out for comfort or help.... so I tried my best to control my feelings and used a calmer and soothing voice... I didn't ask her to stop crying... but instead assured her I understand... and kissed her... the tears tapered out... and she looked at me with a cute pout and kept calling out to me in her manja voice... heheheh it sorta worked I guess... because from there we connected in a way... I knew that she wanted my reassurance that everything is ok... and she wanted me to make whatever that was bothering her go away.. namely her shoe that was missing the cat thingy... chewed gum just to stick it back on... gave her some ribena goodness... and turned on her ipad to show her favourite pororo...

I read a little today on how when you encounter a defiant nature in your child that it is a mark of a relationship problem.... and yes, I have that problem since she turned 2... I can see it in her stance and her eyes whenever we would come to a stand still .. or a battle of wills from lack of better words to appropriately surmise the situation...

It's a shocker of how accurate the book seems to get it... and how off mark I was in regards on how to handle my toddler... punishment is not the way... gentle understanding is supposedly the best remedy... ahhh... some parts of me are so confused really... but I did note on her disconnection with me whenever I would get mad at some situations... I think it's all about balance... and compromise... and like the book said.... connection...

One interesting part is it asks us ... how many times did we connect in the past 2 days... I would say a few times... though not nearly enough...

Another is... name 2 things to connect that we can do today...

And lastly... to look back on the few times that we were distracted and how to improve on that so that we could connect better....

Well who said we needed to stop learning when we are older... there's always something new to learn...

Will try the few things that the book suggests and try to deepen my connection with my Jellybean... Can't wait for 11th May... Did I mention before? That's when my unpaid leave starts... and my loooong overdue 'summer' with my sweetheart...

;)

Parenting Skills 101

I am currently reading a great parenting book... the title really caught my attention.. "Peaceful Parent, HAPPY KIDS" by Dr Laura Markham.

Well I haven't finished reading it yet, but the first part was great... it's on regulating ourselves as parents...Just to share a note on her 10 rules to raise terrific kids...
1. the most important parenting skills
  - to take care of ourselves so that we don't vent on our kids
     (am guilty of this sometimes... especially when I am in one of my not so good moods or is a little irritated
      with situations that isn't even related to Shiya... I find that my tempee gets the best of me...  :(  )

2. the most important parenting commitment: to always be there for your child/ren
   - it's important to let them know that you will always, always have their back no matter what
   - to respond to what she needs and not you think she needs [this is so true]

3. the most important parenting secret: discipline doesn't work
   - instead of punishment, set and guide limits on behaviour
     (I usually impose timeouts... and it works... but now I am just wondering if I'm teaching her control or
     inhibiting her natural responses to trauma/anger/upset   :(    )

4. what kids need that no one tells you: a safe place to express feelings while you 'listen'

5. what your child wishes you understood: she's just a kid trying as hard as she can

6. The most useful mantra: don't take it personally
     - no one wins a power struggle and not to insist on being right

7. what to remember when the time gets hard: all misbehavior comes from basic needs that are not met

8. the best parenting expert - you child

9. the constant: change

10. what matters most: stay connected and never withdraw your love even for a moment

haaa... I had actually written a longer version.. but lost in the publish and save process *sigh*

Anyhow the pointers a good to remember... especially when the book talks about how our anger sometimes stems from our deep set fear in ourselves... in other words... our childhood that shaped us... so we can react in 2 manner... towards fear (anger & punishment)... or towards love (empathy & guidance).... always, always choose love....

LOS ANGELES - Part 4 Citadel Outlet

The morning of the forth day we were day started out as normal... breakfast downstairs, where I had my 2 toast and scrambled eggs with maple syrup... Shiya had her bowl of fruit loops and orange juice... with once major exception... this time it was the 4+1 of us... Tokma & Tokpa were here...  :)

After breakfast, papa and Tokpa went off to the nearby car rentals to get a car for us to go around for the next 3 days... and it took quite a while cos we finally started our journey around 11am... and where else but to the much anticipated guitar store for papa! hahaha.... he was getting his 30th birthday present from Tokpa here... a fender, no less  :P

We spent a little over 2 hours there... getting the case and what not... sorry can't talk much about here since am not a musical person myself, so find it hard to appreciate instruments... but the look of joy on hubby's face tells it all...  :) it was one of the biggest guitar stores in the world.... my only regret is that we didn't go there sooner or get to spend time there longer because I can tell how much it meant to hubby dear... *sigh* I bet if he knew how close were were to the shop (in Sunset Blvd), we would.. or maybe just HE would have been there sooner... like the first night that we got there... so here's another important tip when travelling to places so far out of reach... research..research...research!

Oh... just a side note on how important it is to have your toddlers in a properly buckled car seat... while we were getting there a car came right at us from the opposite direction...all in the hopes of avoiding another car... luckily we didn't get into an accident... but it was close... and Shiya's car seat actually tumbled forward... as in slide slightly forward (loose belt behind...tsk tsk) and if not for the buckle strapped at the shoulder she would have been thrown forward and may even hit the chair in front (the break was very sudden)... hish... it was a near thing...

Anyhow... after buying the guitar, we were officially on our way to Citadel Outlet... and my oh my... it was a huge place to shop... my first stop.... GAP... hahaha and went a little crazy in there... so many and at such good prices... came out with a bunch of goodies for Shiya... next stop... Carter's... and boy, people please.... next time Carter's first ok... cause the children's clothes there are oh my goodness beautiful and gorgeous... at 50% off! Imagine I got a top for Shiya for USD7... and pretty shorts for USD8...ahhhh can you just imagine... dresses for USD10??? Ok... let's just say real damage was done there... 2 major big plastic bags later... I turned the corner and came face to face with Osh Kosh... oh my... 50% off... even the 3 big bags and a stroller did not stop me from doing my rounds there... hahahah

Those 3 shops basically summarised my time there in Citadel... we arrived late to begin with and by evening time my in laws wanted to take us to this Chinese Muslim restaurant to eat... hahahah I could do without eating just to go for one last round... but yeah... enough damage for the day :p

Some interesting brands there was also Micheal Kors... the bags were expensive as compared to Coach but it was still at a bargain I guess... Guess was also there, though I only went in for a few minutes...

Honestly, we didn't get to really explore the place... I think anybody thinking to go there should allocate at least 2 days... to just enjoy the scene and shop in a calm and relaxing way... hahaha...

We got in the hotel early to rest and pack... the next day is out trip to Banning  :)

Good to know...

I was reading a good article yesterday and I felt as though it applied to me. In a nutshell, it was about taking charge of your decision making and taking ownership of whatever it is that you do... be it a work decision... a life altering decision... and I soooo see how it applied to my life... especially now. Now I am in a junction road in my life... where I get to go left ... or right... and I have been debating and deliberating... talking to various parties...

Why you ask? So that I can see what THEY would do... or what would THEY feel... in my situation... and this is in part I guess play a role in my absolution in guilt or whatever doubt I may be having.

Do I doubt it?... what I want that is... no... I don't... It is so crystal clear that it scares me...

Do I fear it... yes I do... because it is after all do doubt going to be life changing

After reading the article I realise that no matter what I decided... I don't have to request 'permission' for it to be ok... I just have to take ownership of that decision... yes, I want it.. and yes, I am going to do it...

May Allah SWT give me strength to see all else through...

Our 5th day there... Shopping Spree at Dessert Premium, Banning

Breakie time... the only thing she wants the whole time there... OJ and Fruit Loops

Mummy baby time  *love*

Our Hotel, Holiday Inn Express in Banning

Yes... she is exhausted... but mummy isn't finished shopping yet.. sorry baby!!

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LOS ANGELES - Part 3 Tour of LA

Our second night in LA was pretty easy... since baby girl didn't eat much and we basically arrived after 7pm at our hotel... we decided to just stay in and relax in the room... hubby dropped by the local 7-11 and also Jack's (fast food place there) to get us some water and dinner... can't say about the burgers... but the fries was nice.. hahahah

Baby girl though decided that 8-12 was pretty much lepak and sleep time.. she woke me up at 2 am ... hmm... to eat... poor baby... luckily she ate quite a portion of the fast food we got (please don't judge... i declared a state of darurat for her since she was sooooo picky with food)... we took turns, hubby and I to play with her throughout till 7 until we got dressed and ready for breakfast...

Bus came early this time and we got to start our LA tour on time... (pics later ye)...

We pretty much went around the famous area.. Marina Bay... where we had yummy mocha while fighting the very cold breeze... (but mocha cos I found it hard to keep my eyes open... and no... it didn't work  :P  ) then we proceeded to a few more stops... but I was super excited when we went by Rodeo Drive... very close to the spot in Pretty Woman  :)

The bad thing about a tour bus is basically you have a very very limited time of going to places... basically you get 20mins... and well that is not long at all when you wanna cover such a big area... we basically spent it just walking around the block...

But the stop at Farmer's Market was nice.. we stopped there for lunch and there you can find all sorts of food... we even spotted a Singaporean stall that offers Malaysian cuisine... but we didn't stop... I was too busy looking for souvenirs  :P And we found it there... some fridge magnets... and I found these tine lunch boxes... hahaha and i remembered my wayey... well... actually my BIL said something about finding a tin lunch box so that Farel can carry his toys around and no matter where I look in Malaysia I couldn't find one... hahaha I'm sure it's there... but I found it in LA... and it was so cute... Star Wars pic... and only USD13... so I got 3... Dikdik's had Princesses on hers... and Shiya had Daisy Duck on hers...  :)

Next interesting stop was Hollywood... There were sooooo many people there! And no there's no glitz or glamour about it... let's just say all sorts of characters were there... we didn't get to see the prints at the Chinese Theatre since it was closed due to an opening or something like that... but we did get to walk among the 'stars'... :) Bought Fish Fillet at McD, where else.. bagged some more souvenirs.. and we were on the bus again... (well what do you expect when we had like 30 mins only?) I bet if hubby knew that we were so close to his guitar shop at Sunset Blvd he will literally rebel and skip the bus... or rather skipped from the bus... me and baby girl??  :P

It was a pleasant way to spend our day... at least we got a brief view of each interesting place to visit... will keep that in mind in case there is ever a chance for us to go there again...

We arrived at the hotel by 5... so we decided to rest... and go to Westfield... the nearest shopping mall....  :) yeay!

We were basically tired and sleepy... so we didn't get to explore the place to our heart's content... but I did find a fav  spot... TARGET!... hahahah it is a wonderful place to spend time... err.. and cash... the clothes there are so cheap... and oh so cute (am talking about toddler clothes ok)... but there wasn't much time to explore since Baby Girl has decided to be clingy and won't let me look at stuff in peace... (hmm wonder if her Papa set her up to this)... we shopped around there and I went to take a look at a few more stores till it was closing time...

Ahhh... this is when it is worth it to bring the bucket seat... when using the taxi... :) it was just a short ride to and fro the hotel... USD25 (though if you convert it seems overmuch on transport yes?)

That night we got a knock on the door... heheheh Jellybean was pretty much out and in her dreamland... Tokpa & Tokma finally arrived from Vancouver... hehehehe...

;)

Pictures of Our Trip

At the check in counter... my little baby girl.... still sleepy...

Arrived at LAX... there's a special phone to call our hotel... Mind-Blown... hahaha *jakun mode*

She was singing happy birthday... mainly cos she was holding a muffin... she thinks it's a cake... hahahah the funny things my baby does... we were set and ready for Disneyland!  :)

Stayed at Holiday Inn Express, Airport Blvd... and this is the view from the entrance... nice place... definitely recommended...

Here we are... :)   Disneyland!!

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LOS ANGELES - Part 2... Disneyland

We arrived quite late on the first day... even though I could've pushed to go somewhere that night... but I though to get our rest for the next day was much better so that we could enjoy the Disneyland outing... which I booked as soon as I got to the hotel... USD270 for 2 tics... luckily Shiya was still considered below age (less than 3) so she went free everywhere  :)

We got ready early and went for breakfast which served the usual western breakfast... scrambled eggs and toast.. my all time fav... cereal.. yogurt... real cute milk in cartons... bagel with choice prepacked peanut butter (oh I wish I took a pic since never saw this before), cream cheese, jam... pancake and maple syrup (also my fav!)... Shiya of course didn't feel like having anything except a little of fruit loops...

The tour bus... VIP Tour picked us up at the hotel and dropped us off at the HQ nearby (good cos we didn't waste any time picking up other passengers) and after paying for our disney tickets, they drove us to Disneyland... a place of dream and fantasy!  :)

LOS ANGELES - Part 1... getting there...

Hello hello... ahhh... it has been quite a while since I last sat down and wrote something...

We just got back from our once-in-a-lifetime-all-paid-expense trip to LA... hehehe well... we got back a week ago to be exact. Where do I start?

Our trip began at home where FIL's driver drove us to the airport and there check in was a breeze due to the fact that we had an infant with us. Since she was conveniently sitting in her bucket seat in Zapp Quinny... so yes, she did look like a slightly big infant... hahahah... so that was easy... then we were able to proceed straight to the MAS international lounge where we sat waiting for our flight... it was spent pleasantly stuff ourselves with Malaysian best cuisine... nasi lemak and some english breakfast of toast and scrambled eggs... now I don't know if it's me who has grown up or the service that has grown smaller and significantly less 'wow' worthy... but it didn't impress me much... it was more of a oh well... there's food... hmmm it tastes ok kinda thing. But what was yummy and cute was the little ice cream cups of Haagen Daaz offered... ahhhhh yummy indeed    :)   now THAT will put a smile to anyone's face...

-- until you read the fine printing.... almost 1000 cal in one itty bitty cup ok...! errr... ok let's move on  :P

Belum naik plane baby girl decided to gift me with the lovely task of changing her poo poo diaper there... hahaha... so I must just comment that the changing area is superbly a failure for me... not impressed and even felt a bit iffy... so we changed at the normal toilet... which made the hassle of putting on her diapers a challenge for me... tsk tsk... someone pointed out to me later.. much later... diaper pants.... "duh!" moment there... heheheh...

So lesson number 1... diaper pants for the travelling baby and toddlers....  :)

We had a 6.5 hours flight to Narita, Japan... and then the long haul of 11.5 hour flight to LA... Amazingly the flight to Narita went well... ohh minus the incident of ... eerrr... remember the challenging moment of wearing her the diaper...? heheheh got it wrong... hence the slight 'kebocoran' that happened... which caused the need to change not only diaper in flight... but also her jeans... hehehehe which resulted in an oops moment ... she was just standing there waiting for me to put on her diapers... then she decided it was a good time to pee... *sigh*

Needless to say... flight to Narita was a slight horror, hope to never ever again to repeat itself... and the trip to LA albeit 11.5 hours was ok... Jellybean had a slight leftover sniffles so I think that's what caused her to have an uncomfortable time during the landing (40 mins of crying as we landed)... but overall... it was ok... she even developed a liking for the movie The Guardians.. (I can't believe that's the only kid friendly movie available!)

Alhamdulillah we got there safe and though tired.... excited beyond believe... honestly... even the air smells different there... and the brisk and cool air reminded me soooo much of when I was there 15 years ago.... *sigh*

Getting through immigration was long and slow... and to go out through customs was even slower... but we managed to go through without opening our bags... and a short while later... we were out! hehehehe...

-delete-

Write...delete... write... delete....

Symptoms of?? Could be writer's block (though I certainly wouldn't be calling myself a writer)... hahaha... then again it could also be due to this block of ice... sitting right where my heart is... hahaha... wow ... such words... so dramatic... :P

Ahhhh... what is life without drama right? What is the use of hearts if you don't get to feel hurt...pain or sorrow.... it makes you appreciate the good times better... and what's in a little tear now and then... it helps to clear your eyes...


Someone tweeted that what happens in life is Fate... and yes I do believe that... I also believe deep down that I'm strong... though mayhap not as strong as I should be, may God forgive me... but I know what I want and I know what I need... and so I pray to God that somehow, some way... I'll find me the way...

Shiya's 2nd Birthday Bash

It was held on 2 Feb... a long time ago... hehehe.. but here's some hi-lights from that night  :)

Her 'upset' face when the candle went out...   poor baby

Why Dadad and Che dapat cake?? hehehe it was their anni the next day... so we 'surprised' them with a cake  :)

Lumut Away Day

Day 1...
Cake Boss group activity...and The Gayyam...where our Hawaiian Night dinner was held..

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Shiya...shiya... tsk tsk

Mummy...nak fonnnnn.... nak fonnnn...

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Lumut Trip

The office has planned an Away Day.. all the way in Lumut! We're staying in Swiss Garden (will review later)..

For now lemme just share my trepedition and bewilderment when I was told that I am to be part of the committee...hahaha actually I don't really mind the work since I actually love planning an event... but the thought of spending time away from Jellybean got me into an upset of mega proportions..   over I know..hahaha but I have never spent a night without her.. so it is inconceivable to me..

Added on to that.. I was told much earlier that during the performance review for 2012 it was requested that I had to participate as an emcee!! Oh m gee... hahaha me??! I can do it... (so I chanted for the past 3 weeks) but my nerves are freyed and I tried to find so many many reasons not to go...

But my sense of caution and survival (work place is a battle ground for small wormy like me I tell you!) :) kicked in... so this is what I did...

1. Begged..coerced and arranged for my sister and her family to come along.. brought both maids.. booked connecting rooms...
2. Prayed and jaga my voice during the drive towards Lumut... just recovered from bad cough and flu
3. Smiled and braved my way through the meetings and discussions
4. Connected with my emcee partner
5. Took charge and prepared a script for the night

So here I am in Lumut... drove for 5 hours.. over 200km..longest lone driving ever.. hehe it was kinda exciting..

Last night was my emcee-ing night.. and it went well... Alhamdulillah. .. as my partner said... jgn takut..takde sape nak marah pun... hahaha think the whole dept who knows me knows how quiet I am.. and how I hate being in the lime light...

But I kept in mind that no one is actually looking at me... people are bz eating and waiting for their turn to perform.. hehehe.. it worked... with prayers to God of course... my hand held steady (inside joke with my bff) and my voice was loud and clear...and script went well... err if not very interactive.. :)

Thats it.. for now ;)

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Safe Haven - A Review

Safe Haven is written by Nicholas Sparks... and for those who knows this name well... am sure you watched The Notebook and loved it.. as I did...  :)

This is actually my first try at his book... and the story line was nice... Katie who had a dark past and still running away from it arrived at a small town and met Alex the local guy with 2 kids... the sparks were obvious from the start and there were numerous cute and funny moments that am sure anyone who fell in love can relate to.  :)

Seeing how 'thin' the book is... somehow for me it lacked the depth of feeling that such a story could evoke... I won't tell you more on the mysterious 'Jo' in the book... but it was a little scattered... as though there was more to that story.. but somehow got cut down... the plot was confusing... was it telling about the love story of Katie... the abusive relationship of Katie or the mysteries of after life..??? Hahahaha...

The portrayal of Katie's husband... Kevin was very real... and to that I could somehow imagine and somehow able to be there during his crazy moments and made me wonder... is this what abusive husbands go through in their mind?

Overall it was an ok book.. not something that I would read again..., but not a wasted effort of reading either...  am hoping that the movie would be better...   

Something random...

An amazing whopping 2 kg... thats an amazing feat for someone who is actually trying to LOSE weight... not actually GAIN the weight... tsk tsk tsk...

Sorry for the beginning.. but that has been on my mind since Saturday... the day I had to weigh myself at the doc's .. hahaha... and yes am feeling sick... slight fever (though it was pretty bad on Sat).. mucous-sy..sore throat... the works... what's bad is that my baby girl got the germies from me!... sigh... sian baby... she's handling it well though....


Had a tired/pak pandir weekend... though yesterday was a quiet and nice day at Mid Vall with hubby and my chicky boom boom... :)

Friday was a blast at Sunway Lagoon... Baby girl had so much fund just lazying around the pool with Wayey who turned 4 that day... my does time fly by fast... We got there just before 12 and since its a Friday (weekday) there was no crowd to fight our way through to the front of the line. The tix was a crazy RM230 (2 adult tics; baby was free).... wish I could keep a straight face and say my maid was a Malaysian.. hahahah but it only meant of RM30 diff so was not worth my high blood pressure just from the thought of lying  :P

We managed to sneaked in some mangoes though thanx to my poker face maid... hahahaha... (yes it's still the same maid I used to complain abt dulu)... she hid it really well... sanggup 'investigate' how they did the baggage check just to know to hide it. And no... I don't make a habit of doing that... just that we though we'd be going to my sis's house first so we brought a lot of food with us... and 6 hours in the car may actually ruin the precious fruits.... oh well... any how we got in... fruits and even 2 bowls of 'cicah' intact... OMG... tsk tsk tsk....

So then like blind tourists... managed to fumble our way to the locker area and change into our swim suits... me in my very proper hijab outfit thingy (complete with tudung biru... hahahah if only the baju was  not pink!) so am sure I made quite a pretty sight... but baby girl was all cute in her yellow 2 pc...  :)

She was so excited that she basically thought she was a mermaid... wanted to spend the whole time in water... tsk tsk... she was so happy... that makes it all worth while... we spend the day till 6+ though Jellybean fell asleep... in WATER at 5.30... hahahah the funniest sight ever... I was holding her of course... she just loves the waves around her... or maybe it's mummy going up and down in the water... who knows... but it soothes her into a little overdue nap...

Food was ok in there... at much higher prices of course... so for 2+1 affair... gotta be prepared to dish out at least RM100 for a comfortable 1 day outing...

Sunway Lagoon

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The Sleepy Me...

Anyhow... been off coffee for the past... what... 2 days now... and I know it sounds over dramatic but OMG... I am so sleepy! Nah... sleepy is not the right word to describe how I feel... it's lethargic... and slow... as though  I need to drag myself out of water... and in the morning in the car I am definitely snoozing away in the traffic and the effort it takes just to open my eyes... yes that itself is an award winning moment I think... tsk tsk

So much hubbubb over coffee... :P

But I do feel so 'layu'... a word that best describe me right now...This could be due to caffeine withdrawal... (really?? hmm...) or maybe it's just me being sluggish due to the lack of proper exercise to pump me up. Maybe the morning coffee has been giving me help by 'boosting' me up... sigh... gotta hit the gym or at least do some much needed cardio... *sigh*

Anyhow... if I didn't know better I would think I am pregnant.... the feeling is very much like when I was carrying shiya...hahaha except that time I was like 6 months pregnant?  :P Oh the horror of being over weight... tsk tsk...

But this reminds me of what hubby was saying yesterday... while I was going on and on and on about number 2... well more like the disappointment of getting a good rating on a particularly bad year for bonus... something like that... then he said... "well maybe the 2 means something... you know... shiya turning 2 this year... and well... getting our number 2?"

Hahahaha.... what he said was so random... *grinning silly* it's almost like something I would have said... so unlike him... and yet... that's what makes hubby and me... us... I would definitely say... we had a moment yesterday... :) *still grinning* It's wonderful to share that kind of connection with someone... Alhamdulillah...

As to my sleepy self... no coffee for me still... (though I cheated and drank 2 cups of tea yesterday)... and hopefully with some much needed activities planned during the weekend, I would feel a little energised next week... :)

All you gotta say is just Toodles!  :P
(Yes am feeling chirpy.. cos though it's Thurs... it's Fri for me!)

Trying... yet again...

My baby girl is now 2 years and 3 weeks old... all this while I have been hoping that pregnancy would just creep up on me with a surprise bang... but luck is not on my side...

Today though I have taken a definite 'let's work at it' cap on and thus need to review back my old notes on how to get pregnant for those of us who are .. you might say... fertility challenged. :)

Though I am still not sure about the result of the many long years (around 3 years to be exact) ago fertility test.. the doc said that I have indicative results for poly cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). Which means that I have a hormonal imbalance that affects my ability to ovulate on a monthly cycle. One of the basic rules that the doc told me in order to help control my hormones is to control my body weight. The statistics shows that there is an increase rick for diabetes for those with PCOS which is not a good thing for me since my family history is already riddled with diabetes. As one of the websites I read wrote... vigilance is key to those over weight.

Though the medical exam was just indicative... scans of my ovaries appeared normal....

My tukang urut waaaay back before I got pregnant the first time advised me that I need to give up certain foods and take in extra 'fertile' inducing foods to help me... and though the subject seems very questionable... I'll go along with it... as I have nothing to lose in following a good and healthy eating routines....

So let's start with this...

 - no caffeine (coffee... colas... other bubbly drinks...)
 - only occasional sugary snacks... (sorry can't say no to this since I have a super sweet tooth...)
 - more tofu and 'big head' bean sprouts (dunno the actual name)
 - increase intake of milk and soy milk
 - folic acid & vitamin c

ok... more on this later... ;)

The Host - A Review

2013 was a 'soft' beginning... though many days seems random and routine... I have continued in my 'bookworm' journey from 2012... hahahah.. though am struggling to find a replacement of my absorption in A Song of Fire & Ice series... in case you're thinking... "huh?"... it's the books behind the HBO series Game of Thrones.

I was just walking through Kinokuniya in, where else but KLCC, when I came across an aisle marked "Movie Tie Ins"... and flipping through the books I came across The Host by Stephanie Meyers. I have all of her Twilight series and it has been sitting prettily in my library for the past year... reading the summary behind intrigued me enough to make a purchase and reading the first chapter hooked me.

At first thought when you imagine the book you're thinking.. oh no... aliens? Puh-lease! But The Host is more than that... the alien element (that I must admit is the core of the book) is subtle and not at all the X-Files kind. Hahaha don't be afraid to try new things... and it has wonderfully surprised me... and though the book is shorter than the ones that have been my constant companion for 2012, it has filled me with all kinds of feelings and was so real in its depths of feelings...

In brief, Mel is taken and became a host for the alien Wanderer. Yet Mel's will is so strong that she was still in essence alive in the body which Wanderer experience conflicting thoughts and feelings. So she searches through the dessert trying to find Mel's one true love and kin (her younger bro) as the feelings of love is so strong it became Wanderer's own. Finally finding those they love, she had to go through hurdles as the colony of last humans fought against having an alien with them. It is story of love... and the everyday emotions we face... unrequited love... first stirrings of love... acceptance of those different from us... fear and survival...

Seeing one character die brought me to tears... and the urgency of the raids to secure sustenance and medical supplies... and of course that last moment when Wanderer said goodbye... oh my goodness... as I desperately flipped the page... I honestly was gasping at 6.30am and just wiping away tears...

I don't know why I love the book so much... and am looking forward to the movie coming out next month. But I must say... so far in a long while... this has been one of the best books that I have read... Not the heavy stuffs in the likes of World With No End and Game of Thrones that fairly dives into your imagination stores... but the book is real enough... and light enough that just transport you seamlessly into it's world...

;)

Yes, I am a mommy & wife... No, I'm not perfect...

What a title... hahaha... but yes... in my 2 years journey as Jellybean's mummy... and 3 years journey as my sayang's wifey... (or as he put's it, wifu)... I have made numerous mistakes... all because I am not perfect though I strive to be just that.

This came many times before... but on this Friday morning, I have decided to pen it down (or rather type it down)... just as a reminder to myself for the present.. and hopefully be a better me, mummy and wife in the future... God willing...

Let's see... instead of a long winded story... I'll just list it down...
1. huge trips with numerous people to celebrate baby's birthday is a bore... should keep it to just us...
2. keeping silent on the sore subject will not make it go away... now will they learn how to soothe your feelings.. if your feathers are ruffled, make sure they get it... and if lost, show them the way to make it right
3. instead of lashing out to show them how you feel... tell them when they are doing something wrong so that they understand... serving them a dish of the pie will not show them what they did wrong in the first place
4. confinement time is the best time to bond...
5. never let a doctor even touch your baby until they explain in detail what they will do.. and WHY they need to do it...
6. get a second opinion...
7. try and try harder and harder still to bf... never give up
8. pictures and vids are so important... because what ur memory forget you can always rewind and remember...
9. space is space... but it's important to learn the art of being together...
10. control is very important... mind, desire, wants... time...

There's more... but those are at the top of my mind... :)

Wants...needs...and everything in between...

A workmate said to me... "..there's no motherhood skill group..." hehehe it was said in a joking manner... But it struck a cord anyhow..

Driving to work this morning was another splash of cold reality when my mum.. Going on 57 this year and may be opting to continue to 60 before retiring from her long time career in RTM. It 's admirable..her preseverence and drive to work.. And thats a part of my mum....that is soooo my mum. Which makes me wonder why I am soooo different. The best part is how totally off base I am in terms of career paths and drive from her.

Is this normal what I feel? *sigh*

I guess the question is what do I want... And she asked a reasonable question this morning... "is that who u aspire to be?"

I decided last year that this year I was going to be me. Working as I am.. I am working to please people or the general opinion of people. Life is short.. I should do what I do best..right? Doing what brings peace and harmony to my world.

But am I just short changing myself? :(

It's confusing.. 

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Birthday Girl!!

My sweetheart turned 2 last week! :)

Went and spent the day at Pavvy and Aquaria..though she was scared of the fishes... Siann baby mummy... Tsk tsk...

The day didn't exactly work out the way I thought it would...but it was spent with my darling and we had superb fun shopping at Party Princess...

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One weekened in January...part II

What else... Pics! :)

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One weekend in January...

Wow... had a super loooonggggg weekend that I haven't been able to have in a good while... 5 whole days of fun with my Jellybean...heart of my heart... and added spice to my perfect weekend dish... movie outing with my hubby (hahaha 2nd movie in 1 week - what a record) and a whole lotta time with my kiddos.

Shiya was super manja with me yesterday.. I guess after 4 days of mummy love she just wants me to cuddle and smother some more with my love... hehehe... yes, she is getting superbly manja and clingy (Alhamdulillah)... before you balk at my response...do read all that I had to go through to be this close to my little girl... hehehe... so am a happy bee...

I also had a GREAT time babysitting my 2 lil kiddos for 3 days... hehehe sis was out on a weekend date to Singapore... so I got to have them sleepover at my house on Fri... quite by chance since I wasn't even planning to take leave that day... and some good morning loving and Toys R Us outing on sat... and an impromptu Midvalley run on Sun... hehehe it has been such a long time since I had them all to myself since we moved out to Bangi that it was a wonderful wonderful time... which I hope they agree as well   :) Farel was the luckiest though since he got the most gifties on our outings... heheheh (Only cos he is the oldest and knows to mintak most profusely)  :P

All in all... it has been great.. and I was lucky to have my understanding hubby who even though struggles to grasp how crazy I am to have a truck load of kids with me all the time (comes with 2 maids - so no... I didn't handle all 3 kids by myself except when they are in my room)... still loves me for me and strives to look past all that and have fun... God must have heard and answered my prayers... because though I am still learning... I find that many of my actions shows me a better way to make my day or life as you may say... brighter.... I think the word that I am looking for is compromise... hehehe

So here's to hoping for a better week ahead... :)

I turned 30!!

Yes yesterday was 30 years after i was born... Funny how I thought that sounded so old and wise before. Yet here I am... Still very much me and baby to my parents...hehehe
My sweetie sis baked a cake for me and came to our Bangi house to sing. Even though I knew about it thanx to my maid....it was still a super surprise to me...hehehehe...
Hubby gave me a rose just before midnight and morning came with a special card just for me... :)
As like every year...had lunch with besties at...hahaha where else but my fav Chilies...ordering my fav mushroom swiss burger...hehehe dont think i'll ever change ;) got some amazing goodies from them...tq sweethearts!
We also went to Thirty Eight for my bday celebration that night...hehehe fancy smanchy indeed! Food was yummy if u like the fancy dining stuff and price was off the charts...hahaaa so not romantic for me to mention price but at the rate one steak was going, it just had to be said...hehehe tq hubby darling...
AND..... Hubby surprises me with a garnet ring!! Hehehe true i mentioned that i wanted it but i honestly didnt think he bought for it for me... Hehehe... I looooveee it soooo much :) *big grin all over*
We actually dropped by the house in subang hoping to see my Jellybean... But she was out with Michu..but managed to catch my parents unawares... Hehehe and got my wonderful bday prez... An air frier! Hahahaha... Love my parents so much!! True i used Shiya's name and health to wiggle the gift from them...but getting it makes me feel like a 9 year old again... Hehehe (see who says turning 30 is a sign of maturity?)...
We went to watch a movie after...
That was my bday and i must say.... This year began softly and turned up full of surprises...
Tq hubby for making such a huge deal to make my birthday a special one.. You're my rock..n my love... Love u lots!
:)

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2013 Adventure

USA 2013 trip... Soon... Err hubby is only sending his passport tmrw :)

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A glimpse of my soon 2 year old princess jellybean....

The last pic was taken yesterday...don't be fooled by her tears... Hrhehe.. She wanted her mummy's hp...

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Pre USA trip...

2013... a year with many possiblities...

The new year came and went... and in case you were wondering... the stuffs I promise to do before I turn 30 did not get done... hahaha don't ask me which one because I refuse to look at the list that never got done!  :P It's the new year after all... time to start a new list wouldn't you say?

Anyhow... this year is the year that my parents-in-law are going to take our little family on a long holiday... hehehe long awaited hols to USA... ahhhhh.. been wanting to go there since goodness knows when! I can't believe it has been almost 15 years since I was last there... never appreciated the time given to me that time.. and now it took that long for me to finally find a way there.

I still remember when I went there when I was 14 years old... I bought Doritos (still my fav) from a vending machine.. and watch a few boys playing basketball at a nearby court (was staying at Ramada Inn then). The air was brisk since it was spring.

Now I'll be going there with my hubby and baby girl... and I am super excited... hehehe of course I must add that shopping would be great too! :)  So many stuffs that I love here that we can get a super cheaper prices... heheheh

But I must say... getting the visa for our stay was super hard... hahaha... ok it wasn't that hard... just a lot of that and this... for starters... before even setting foot to USA we needed to pay the visa application fee and one application is USD160! So the 3 of us was a costly sum of RM1.5k ++.... then we needed to get our pictures taken and we needed to be careful because they have a lot of do's and dont's on this one... Of course little Miss Shiya has decided that she doesn't like having her picture taken and no amount of Minnie Mouse or pringles (yes.. guilty) can make her sit quietly and look straight at the camera. We had to go to the photo shop twice! In the end luckily the girl was quick to snap a somewhat straight face pose of shiya (her body was tilted towards me) and Alhamdulillah... the picture passed.

After numerous trips to the photoshop because hubby did not make sure that the girl gave us a correct softcopy (which we need to upload in the application)... we were able to settle our application the day before our interview... hahahah there's a another mistake.... we should have completed it BEFORE we set our appointment... unfortunately we overlooked that part (seriously I feel so immature and speechless about this bit). We had the interview scheduled before we started our application... tsk tsk..

We had the interviewed schedules at 10am.. though we got there before 9.30... imagine it took us almost 30 mintues just to step inside... First you gotta queue up to get a number...this is where you leave your IC and show your appointment letter.. next you have to queue up to go in... and they only let it 2 at a time at the guard house... because this is where they scan you and your bag... all digital things will be taken away from you... so if you are scared you'd get bored inside... bring a book. ;)

The first thoughts me and hubby had as we stepped out was.... "wow... hehehe... feels different in here.." (hubby's words) hahaha... yeah... it felt different... though I must say that was silly cos... goodness.. it's not like we were in  Narnia...  :P  I think we were just into that moment... hahaha very like a Japan tourist with a big old cammy taking pics of KLCC... we were enchanted... hehehehe

Inside was more waiting.. oh we had to take out a number... then when the number is called we pass our documents... passports... and waited again... when they call out number again... our finger prints were taken... hehehe... and more waiting... then they call us for an interview... I was really nervous by then... hehehe.. but the guy was nice and didn't ask funny questions... but he scanned my application so many times I was sure I failed. But....he said.. "Maam, you and your child can pick up your visa tmrw.."... I was so happy!!!... Then I was like... errr..... hubby??

Unfortunately hubby fell into one of those 'random' buckets that they needed to do a background check first so he can only proceed to pass his passport when they call... Basically he got the pink slip...  :(

Oh dear...

Both my bro in law and mum in law had to wait so long when they got the pink slip... but hubby got his call  today...! yeay!... so USA here we come... or rather... we'll be there MARCH!  *big smiles*

This is darling Jellybean's 3rd trip... first being the trip to Jakarta... 2nd to Penang... hehehe... 20 hour flight... hmmm.... :)

For more info on the visa... go to...   http://www.ustraveldocs.com/my/

Time Out

So what would you do if your child started throwing a temper tantrum and screaming her her lungs out... because she didn't get what she wants? What if it happened in a shopping malls where people will actually stop... or worse... actually whisper (loudly) for your benefit... "what's wrong with the baby?"... ??

I don't know about other parents.. perhaps they have a better view or technique but I find that mine works best for my baby... and that is timeout. I had generally believe that this is the best and recommended... but after reading some opinions on Baby Centre (a good website) I realise that some have negative thoughts on this method. Ok, let me just briefly explain how I try to take control of the situation when Shiya the 'hulk' comes out :P

1. If she is struggling and throwing her body... I will get down on my knees and try to cradle her or if that seems to cause greater struggle... I just gently let her be on the floor though am close in case she decides to bang her head or bang her angkles...I read somewhere they they lack the words or knowledge on how to express their frustration or anger.. so this is their way to lash out...
2. I wait until the storm to calm down... any small clue would help like the sudden stop of struggling on her part... or the scream that seems to be winding down... it shows me that she's ready to be comforted...
3. If nothing seems to soothe her... then I would say sharply.. just clear enough for her to hear (though I try not to shout it) ..  "QUIET!" "shhhhh" (this sometimes to be repeated a few times)
4. I always make sure that I am giving eye contact when I do this because I want her to see how serious I am
5. I take her away from whatever it is that provoked her in the first place
6. Then I make her sit facing a wall... and told to sit down, be quiet and think about what she's done...of course she might cry louder at this rate... but it's crying... and no longer shouting... she will look around for help but I sit next to her so she knows its just me... the wall... and her time right there...
7. If its in a public place I have never taken her to a wall but buckle her into her stroller instead and close the top part... no one talks to her until I give the signal
8. After she has calmed down... I will look her in the eye and tell her it's NOT ok to scream.. and that she shouldn't do that again... we hug and make up..  :)

Amazingly this has worked for us... she is less prone to tantrums... and though she has her bad mood moments but she has also learned to control and not make such a fuss... I think a lot of times timeouts doesn't work for a parent is because:
1. timeouts should be done when the baby is actually starting to communicate with you... then there is that 2 way communication
2. The time should be equal to their age... a few seconds for yound ones and a lil longer for the older ones... this is because their attention span is shorter when they are younger
3. Parents don't really explain to the child why they were made to sit in a corner in the first place
4. Others overidding the parents words and taking the child out... it should always be the parent who put the child in the timeout... to give time to heal and make up for both parties
5. My sister read somewhere that the 'punishment' should match the 'crime' (lack of other more appropriate words)... and I believe this is true... so I am happy that I did it right... her timeout is her quiet time... for when she loses control and have a screaming fit... not when she hit.. throws something...

My baby girl will be 2 soon... and she grows brighter and lovelier each day... A mother can only hope that whatever we may convey to our little ones is the best because ultimately we wish to be the best for them.. always...