Life... the bad and the good

Some good... my sayang finally told his parents... when? 29 November and 1 December (mum). They both agreed.. Thank God... I still feel like pinching myself when I think about it. Hehehe...

The bad? oh well... for once, I don't want to think of the wrong things that are going on... just wanna bask in the realisation that the day with my baby is coming nearer and nearer... no more secrets and no more hiding... <3

Love, love... he is the love of my life.. the saviour of my soul...

He makes my dreams come true...turns me to a better person... and just encloses me in warm summer dreams...

Nothing much...

Bacci is making a lot of noises right now. That is normal though since she's always noisy when we watch TV. Hehehe, she must have read my mind since she went silent.

I should be going up soon. Need to study since there's a test on Saturday. I can't wait for Friday night day though. We're going to have a big berbuka puasa with the chicky clan! Yeay! However, been thinking the whole day what to wear. If I have the top, there's no scarf that I can wear and vice versa. Hmmm...

I love how I dressed to work today and yesterday. The contact lenses were perfect. Not only that, I finally figured out the perfect tudung style for me...i think...

Oh well, tomorrow is another boring, yet emotionally stressful day at work.

Wish my baby was here beside me... miss him lots... maybe I'll call him...


;)

Lazy, lazy me...

This whole month has been about finding oneself and changing into a better person. I am trying to do that...

Yet...this month would mark the laziest month of my life! heheh... Kinda have no mood to do any work... and so I've been going to work and did the most minimal work that has to be done, then zip off to home sweet home as soon as I can.

Notty right?

At home, I would just laze about and watch old reruns of tv shows and movies... perfectly content to just sit and do nothing. Thats quite weird since I love to go window shopping and travel about... :) Even going out to grab some take aways seems too much effort!! :P

Notty, notty, notty me... current evil thought?? Nak go back and sleep... or read... or watch a movie... hehehe -thats an evel laugh btw-

;)

I love the mostest...

Before I begin, lets put my baby in a bubble where he is protected and he just sits there all comel and handsome. After all, he is the love of my life... ;)

Now, to the person I love the mostest...let's call her... boo-boo..

Boo-boo has always been there for me... she's very notty and bad tempered at times, but I know that she'll always be someone that I can count on. It was like that since we were small when she first saved me from the bad dog who was just barking at me, making me cry. She was also there when I had a bad allergy reaction... not only were my lips swollen (impossible to eat since it hurt so much!), but my whole body was covered with a rash. It was so itchy that I cried myself to sleep everynight. Know what boo-boo did? She convinced me to buy McDonald. She even ordered cause she knew I was shy. Then she cut the fish fillet into little bits for me to eat. Then she took the comforter and set it up in front of the TV so that we could sleep together and distract me from the itchiness that was just killing me. :)

My boo-boo would protect me from the people that would hurt my feelings. If my parents were to say bad things to me, she would be the one to stand by my side... even when it didn't make sense to do so. I still remember the birthdays. She makes my birthdays special... she makes sure others remember me... cause that just who she is... a wonderful, comel boo-boo... :)

When I was lonely in Cyber... my boo-boo would come and visit... bringing food and taking me out... we had ourselves a lot of fun... and no matter how many mistakes I would make... she's there... and I know she's the one person in the world that would love me... just as I am...

I want her to know that I love her too... just as she is... and I will always, always... be right by her side... she's my twin... ;)

.....seperated in the womb... ;)

My baby... my love...

Baby came over for berbuka today. He's so comel, though he ate so little. I hope it wasn't cause he didn't like our food. Anyhow, we were supposed to go for ice cream. Heheh... so far we had eaten McD for the past 3 days.

With his smile he can bring out the sun in my heart... with his laughter, he makes me sing... he makes me be grateful for who I am and makes me a better person, inside and out.

That's why I love him so much..... his presence in my life inspires me. Hehehe... he might not even know or see it... but everyday I thank God for bringing us together. All I want to do is make him happy as he has made me...

Fighting off demons...

Here i sit... alone... on a saturday night. -sigh-

It seems like everyone is out with somebody. Visiting family members.. walking around parade... even watching TV with that special someone. Yet, here I sit alone... waiting for who I wonder. What a boring and disappointing moment in life it has been for the past year. January to August has been a real struggle with relationships, parents, friends, work, money, weight, studies... you name it.

Its the beginning of September and I'm trying to be positive about the end of this year... but I still wonder whats going to happen as so far... it hasn't been a bed of roses.

Saturday night: eat, pray... filed bills, looked over stupid pictures while sex in the city is playing in the backgroud.

The other day i was walking home from classes and it went through my mind that I'm fighting with a lot of demons lately. Maybe that's part of the problem this year. Too many problems cropping up and all of the problems hitting too close to home (my heart, mind and spirit).

I think I'll try and get over one obstacle at a time.

Me previously...


Now....




Well, my comel just came to take this bum-bum out..... will continue with self-loathing session later...

muah...

shopping trip...yeay!

today is tiring but wonderful...my day had started early since i have class in the morning.. i was late, but decided not to rush.. since my tummy was grumbling, even made a pit stop at the shop at the lrt station to grab bread and biscuits.. hehehe

then off to class..very boring indeed and i had to fight the urge to just plain fall asleep. but i made it through! yeay!

after class, me and irma went to pyramid for a shopping spree frenzy..oh it was so fun! we went to shop after shop looking for the perfect outfit for my recent change of style.. hehehe...all in all i spent quite a pretty penny..but i know that its all worth it..

besides all the shopping i definitely enjoyed the trip due to...the wonderful company of irma ;) muah!

thanx dear! ur a gem... *hugs*

*Yawn*

Am just about to go off to dreamland. *yawn*

Today I'm just so so tired...the day flew by since I was so busy at work.

I wonder how Meqqy is doing out there in Langkawi...?? I hope that she's having fun... so important for the baby that she smiles often... then the baby will be a happy baby... always giggling and laughling, like her Aunty Kie! :) hehehe...

The weekend is gonna be hectic... so many things to do! Its puasa on Mon... goodness, I haven't bought all the things I need yet... well, no girl can say no to shopping... :P I'll be sure to book in some shopping time tomorrow and sunday... yipee!

Forgot to mention before that I baked cookies... didn't taste all that nice. Hmmm.... maybe i'll make some tomorrow. That is if I can... have a full day class, then some shopping, and dinner with baby, so I might be a little too tired.

*yawn*

Don't think this entry makes much sense since I'm too sleepy... hehehe... *yawn*

Better get some rest... nite2 sweeties... ;)

Awkward feeling...

-sigh-

Its simply wrong to start the day feeling like this.

I'm currently sitting at the Watikah Training room. I look arnd me and surprise, surprise... no friends in this training. I hate it when this happens, though it happens quite often since I don't really have that long list of friends anyway...

OMG... the day just got worst... I think I saw my manager... is he teaching this class??! Bad news for me! Since I'm the only senior what if he singles me out???!

Update later ;)

Wish me luck!!

A change of... me...

Something big happened... or rather, I was able to do something big... something that I've wanted to do for awhile now.

I wore tudung yesterday and today!

It had been in my mind a long time. I first wanted to wear tudung when I was arnd 17-18 years old... But was discouraged when there were negative response from those I love.

Then I felt it again last year... and this time I just let the feeling flow... accepting the light that came into my life. My life had a purpose and I feel closer to God.

Some might wonder why it had taken me so long to start wearing it. Afterall, it had been arnd 11 months. Mainly its fear. A lot of it has to do with self confidence and skills. I wasn't sure of how to actually fashion the tudungs. It didn't help that I had no 'sopan' clothes to match. Even trying to find proper clothes was hard as all I had were strappy tops and short dresses!

But i would have to admit the biggest fear would be the responsibility of wearing the tudung. Once I wore tudung and make it public, I would be carrying an image of a muslim lady and all that it applies to. I wasn't confident enough that I could carry all of it well... What if I was too sexy somehow or too touchy with Baby? Even now I still miss my prayer times. -sigh-

Yesterday I decided to just make the jump. I know what I want to be. I know what I am trying so hard to be. I can only pray that I would make it through somehow, and so I did it. The result? I am so so so so happy. :)

What made me even happier is how supportive and wonderful everyone is being... My family, close friends and most especially my sayang who has been behind me every step of the way. <3

Love you baby! Sayang you sangat! Thank you for your ever lasting support of me... you make me feel beautiful when you look at me... you are what I have been searching all along... and I know that with you, I am able to be better person... love you sayang...

muah!

Messy room... messy life...

Just came back from a tiring day at MICPA workshop. All through the way to the class I was busy scolding myself for not taking the class seriously last week. After all, didn't I sleep on Wed and Thurs night instead of studying like I should've?? -sigh- And of course friday night that was spent mainly in front of the TV!

The room was cold and lonely. Not a single soul that I could call a friend was in sight. It was even lonelier when a guy I didn't know sat beside me. I remembered all those times that my baby was beside me... we would work together and somehow having him close helps.

Then it started, the grueling questions and mark-ticking seconds. Imagine my shock when no hands shot up! Nope, they just answered as though its just another typical class. I could tell that my chance for answering (with my lack of knowledge in the topic) was quickly and surely diminishing. Guess what....?? I was right... I didn't answer at all. There goes about 5% of my overall points down the drain!!

Messy, messy life.. I need to be organised with things, need to plan my schedule and stick with it. Thats not always easy to do when you're constantly tired and have a million things to do at work. Every spare minute that I have nowadays, all I want to do is snooze away..hehe... I do feel bad about that, but what can I say? My body, mind and soul demands it of me! :P

Speaking of sleeping, it reminded me of what prompted me to write about messiness... my room.. so so so messy... the bed was unmade, clothes are strewn everywhere... towels on the bed posts... sigh... it looks like a war zone. In my current mood of general irritation, its very bad indeed.

I wonder who's resposible for the bed... hmmmmmmm.... since I made the bed when I went out just now... hmmmmmmm.... don't like this one itty bitty bit..... :P

Well, my darling fiance to be is on his way... can't wait to see him!

Note to self: be less selfish and let him go back early... he has a morning workshop tmrw... ;)

He came... he conquered...

He looked calm and in control all out through dinner. I was surprised... not that I expected him to be panicky, just maybe restless. But then when we arrived home, his nervousness showed. Quickly I became panicky myself... maybe its the thought of bringing up such an intimate topic such as marriage. It didn't help that my parents didn't say anything! :P

My parents went into the TV room and started watching TV! hehehe...

After a long uncomfortable and nervous pause, my baby and I walked in and requested to talk. He was wonderful...

He spoke softly and sweetly and ever so respectful. He made me so proud. Especially when I was such a nervous wreck myself! I know that my parents are happy on how he conducted the conversation. Quietly explaining the timeline and our own wishes.

My dad asked about his parents and if they could accept me. I could see that my plight mattered in their eyes. For that alone, I love them so much.

My baby was very reassuring in his love and committment. Could I ask for more? -sigh- Our dreams are half way there...!

I love him so much!

Beginning Part 1

Today is the beginning... a beginning of a new chapter in my life. Others don't know it and some might even think... "what's the big deal?".

But it does matter.

He'll be coming over to formally ask for my hand from my parents. I'm so excited! It is something that I have been waiting for awhile. True, usually it will also follow with his parents being informed as well... but I can wait the 'less than 4 months' occassion.

Hehehe... I'm starting to get nervous as the hour goes closer. I know that I have nothing to be worried about, as this is what they want as well, but just the thought of being so open and candid with my parents kind of makes me restless... I can just imagine how my sayang is feeling. Though I must say that he seems at ease with the whole situation.

Sigh... I can't wait... ;)