Depressed part...

Hehehe... last entry was on the stressed part... now let's start on the depressed part...

I have been going round my circle of friends (as small as it is) and asking how other working mums are coping with their little ones... especially those that are in the care of their nannies... and it seems to me, all seems to be doing well... I have yet  to hear of a complain or a sigh or even a little frown...

But there begins my story of how unwell I am coping with my sweetheart and her nanny... she has become superbly attached to her and every time I try to take her away when I get home from work... she refuses... or only stay in my arms just for a few minutes before trying to reach out for her nanny and crying out as though I had somehow done something horrible to her. I would usually just pretend like it doesn't matter and take her away... screaming and struggling to my room... she would eventually calm down and we have ourselves some good quality time playing... sometimes...

There are times I am unable to distract her or entertain her enough that she'll just be cranky and upset... until I bring her down... where she'll know that her nanny is around... and when she sees her nanny? The crying and struggling and pushing me away starts all over again.

There were a couple of episodes at night or day when she would wake up and cry... inconsolable by me... and I think it's because she's actually crying to get to her nanny... but I have a rule since she was 1 day old... no one tends to her at night except me or hubby... that is our personal time together. So during these couple of times... I would just try as best as I can to be patient and strong for us... she eventually tired herself out and fell asleep in my arms... oh no big deal... it only took nearly 3 hours of crying and screaming in the middle of the night.... but I am willing...

Nowadays when I come home from work... she will just ignore me... and her current favorite is with her nanny or my mum... her grandma... she holds out her hand and smile her sweet smile... she'll sit still and play her toys happily... If I try to take her away... which I do frequently... she'll cry... and try her hardest to go back to them (whoever it is I took her from). And I must admit that every time this happens... my heart breaks a little... It has come to a point that even when she wakes up in the morning and sees me... she no longer smiles... just looks at me and tries to get off the bed... to go where? I don't really know... I tried putting her on the floor today... just to see where she'll go... and she turned back to me and frowned... so I got on the floor and held out my arms... she took my hand and stood... a sure sign that she wanted me to take her for a 'walk' somewhere... I guess I wasn't surprised when that walk turned out to be to my mum's room and her walking straight into her grandma's arms... and refuse to leave her side after that...

To be continued....