All the things she said, all the things she said... running through me head...

Ok, the above title is actually from a song  :P

I'm not sure if it's the weather that's causing all this havoc in me, but I find myself extra sensitive lately. It seems that a lot of what people say/do really upsets me... cepat terasa... I'm not sure if on their parts they actually meant it to be so or if it's just me who is putting a lot of value to something that could be considered small and insignificant detail.

I won't fool myself and think that everyone just loves me and couldn't live without me... :P of course I know there are people out there who thinks I'm a horrid person... though if by chance you are reading this, I would say that your impression of me is super wrong...  hehehe, bole tak? :P  but seriously, I am different around those that I don't really know and any one of my closest of the closest would agree... the people that knows me best... well, it would be my sister. Now before darling hubby gets all tangled up and spitting fire... she knows me best because she has been there all my life... she was there when I was a demon of an older sister (asyik cubit her to see her cry), she was there when I cried from fear (silly dog scared me so much I couldn't move), she was there at my best and she was there at my worst.

We used to share a room and we would tell stories (or argue) just before both would just drift of to sleep... she would know just exactly when I'm about to cry...and when I'm sad (before I would even say anything). Needless to say she has always looked out for my interest. That is why she knows me best... because she knows ME... and still loves me anyway...

I guess that brings me down to the gist of the problem that is pulling me down. As our mum's taught us from small, always put yourself in the other people's shoes and do unto other what you wish others would do unto you... so when you faced with a whole roomful of people that has become a part of your lives, you treat them with respect and care. But it's confusing and sad when you find that their smiles and thoughtfulness is just a front and behind the screens you are just another stranger. Or maybe the front was a show of respect on their part? Well to me it seems like a whole big whoop of lies.

I get confuse when I trip people and catch them in little white lies. It makes me uncomfortable and shows me that not all that you say can be trusted. Heck, even the smiles could be lies ya? Hmmm...

I'm going around and round n circles because I feel like dishing out things that are better left unspoken. But I do feel hurt with a few people in my life this week and I'm trying, even now to ignore that feeling.

Let's take a break...