Searching

I’m about to make a huge decision in my life. Ultimately, it may be the best move I’ve made since I decided that I want my Sayang for always, or it might be one of the biggest mistakes that I could make in my lifetime.

I am thinking of resigning and starting fresh. Ok, who am I kidding? I am resigning in February and starting fresh in the work market.

Hahaha… it is simply wrong how the thought of resigning gives me so much pleasure!

But I am and I will do it.

Now I am just searching for what I really want to do in life. It’s true you can’t always get what you wish for. Everything in life is hard, bla, bla, bla and I could go on and on for days and days…

But I want to take this step. You know why? If I don’t, I’ll never find out what is at the end of that far in the distance rainbow. I want to try and make my dreams come true. I want to plan events and of course, cook. Oh dear, it almost seems unrealistic and impossible. But sitting at this desk right now and auditing seems horrid and unbelievably sickening.

And so, the search is on. Perhaps I could do something simple like teach children. I sent out a bunch of resumes last night. I even called one just now and asks for any openings. They had none. But imagine if they did… I could just work near my house! Maybe something will come up soon.

The race is now on… will I get the job first or resign first? I AM scared like super duper. I am so scared and petrified that I give myself headaches everyday just thinking about it.

Tonight I will discuss again with my Sayang on the repercussions of my future actions. I have his full support, but maybe he’s not thinking straight when he approves of what I’m doing. As long as he’s ok with it… it will give me added strength to fight my demons as well as the live criticism that I’m about to face from everyone.

Life... the bad and the good

Some good... my sayang finally told his parents... when? 29 November and 1 December (mum). They both agreed.. Thank God... I still feel like pinching myself when I think about it. Hehehe...

The bad? oh well... for once, I don't want to think of the wrong things that are going on... just wanna bask in the realisation that the day with my baby is coming nearer and nearer... no more secrets and no more hiding... <3

Love, love... he is the love of my life.. the saviour of my soul...

He makes my dreams come true...turns me to a better person... and just encloses me in warm summer dreams...

Nothing much...

Bacci is making a lot of noises right now. That is normal though since she's always noisy when we watch TV. Hehehe, she must have read my mind since she went silent.

I should be going up soon. Need to study since there's a test on Saturday. I can't wait for Friday night day though. We're going to have a big berbuka puasa with the chicky clan! Yeay! However, been thinking the whole day what to wear. If I have the top, there's no scarf that I can wear and vice versa. Hmmm...

I love how I dressed to work today and yesterday. The contact lenses were perfect. Not only that, I finally figured out the perfect tudung style for me...i think...

Oh well, tomorrow is another boring, yet emotionally stressful day at work.

Wish my baby was here beside me... miss him lots... maybe I'll call him...


;)

Lazy, lazy me...

This whole month has been about finding oneself and changing into a better person. I am trying to do that...

Yet...this month would mark the laziest month of my life! heheh... Kinda have no mood to do any work... and so I've been going to work and did the most minimal work that has to be done, then zip off to home sweet home as soon as I can.

Notty right?

At home, I would just laze about and watch old reruns of tv shows and movies... perfectly content to just sit and do nothing. Thats quite weird since I love to go window shopping and travel about... :) Even going out to grab some take aways seems too much effort!! :P

Notty, notty, notty me... current evil thought?? Nak go back and sleep... or read... or watch a movie... hehehe -thats an evel laugh btw-

;)

I love the mostest...

Before I begin, lets put my baby in a bubble where he is protected and he just sits there all comel and handsome. After all, he is the love of my life... ;)

Now, to the person I love the mostest...let's call her... boo-boo..

Boo-boo has always been there for me... she's very notty and bad tempered at times, but I know that she'll always be someone that I can count on. It was like that since we were small when she first saved me from the bad dog who was just barking at me, making me cry. She was also there when I had a bad allergy reaction... not only were my lips swollen (impossible to eat since it hurt so much!), but my whole body was covered with a rash. It was so itchy that I cried myself to sleep everynight. Know what boo-boo did? She convinced me to buy McDonald. She even ordered cause she knew I was shy. Then she cut the fish fillet into little bits for me to eat. Then she took the comforter and set it up in front of the TV so that we could sleep together and distract me from the itchiness that was just killing me. :)

My boo-boo would protect me from the people that would hurt my feelings. If my parents were to say bad things to me, she would be the one to stand by my side... even when it didn't make sense to do so. I still remember the birthdays. She makes my birthdays special... she makes sure others remember me... cause that just who she is... a wonderful, comel boo-boo... :)

When I was lonely in Cyber... my boo-boo would come and visit... bringing food and taking me out... we had ourselves a lot of fun... and no matter how many mistakes I would make... she's there... and I know she's the one person in the world that would love me... just as I am...

I want her to know that I love her too... just as she is... and I will always, always... be right by her side... she's my twin... ;)

.....seperated in the womb... ;)

My baby... my love...

Baby came over for berbuka today. He's so comel, though he ate so little. I hope it wasn't cause he didn't like our food. Anyhow, we were supposed to go for ice cream. Heheh... so far we had eaten McD for the past 3 days.

With his smile he can bring out the sun in my heart... with his laughter, he makes me sing... he makes me be grateful for who I am and makes me a better person, inside and out.

That's why I love him so much..... his presence in my life inspires me. Hehehe... he might not even know or see it... but everyday I thank God for bringing us together. All I want to do is make him happy as he has made me...

Fighting off demons...

Here i sit... alone... on a saturday night. -sigh-

It seems like everyone is out with somebody. Visiting family members.. walking around parade... even watching TV with that special someone. Yet, here I sit alone... waiting for who I wonder. What a boring and disappointing moment in life it has been for the past year. January to August has been a real struggle with relationships, parents, friends, work, money, weight, studies... you name it.

Its the beginning of September and I'm trying to be positive about the end of this year... but I still wonder whats going to happen as so far... it hasn't been a bed of roses.

Saturday night: eat, pray... filed bills, looked over stupid pictures while sex in the city is playing in the backgroud.

The other day i was walking home from classes and it went through my mind that I'm fighting with a lot of demons lately. Maybe that's part of the problem this year. Too many problems cropping up and all of the problems hitting too close to home (my heart, mind and spirit).

I think I'll try and get over one obstacle at a time.

Me previously...


Now....




Well, my comel just came to take this bum-bum out..... will continue with self-loathing session later...

muah...