Come dance with me...: Little Clingy... me

Throughout the journey of parenthood... there will be a lot of frustration... you'll find that sometimes the sparks that will fly between you and your spouse and it's inevitable as the work schedules come in between your time... stress of sleepless nights and financial burden stretch tight pile on both your shoulders... it's inevitable and it's how you come out of that fix that bonds you even stronger... isn't it true though that stress that test your patience and perseverance will unite your love even stronger than before... we can do it... as long as we have each other...

What others never talk about to parents-to-be is the other side to having children... the behind scene, that goes beyond the dirty diaper or spit ups and the googly and gummy smiles... it is the subtle kind of stress one feels when faced with separation anxiety... let me make myself clearer... anxiety that you.. as a parent feel...

Our kids will grow up, to wonderful and well balanced adults and eventually find their own foot paths in this life... regardless of whether you are ready to let go or not... it's what I guess they call the circle of life. I can't even imagine what I will do then... but I still have a good 18 years, God willing, to face that ultimate time when letting go is so important... how about now? What anxiety do I feel?

Well, it's the anxiety I get when I am separated from my baby... already I feel that she's growing up so fast without me. Everyday I go to work, I look forward to the time that I can step into the house and have her in my arms... to coddle and kiss her yummy cheeks... but lately, this past week I have been having problem with her need to be with her nanny. I know that it's inevitable for her to feel close to her nanny, as she goes in day in and day out with her. Often sleeping close and always being cuddled by her nanny... She sees her most of her waking time during the weekdays... and her bedtime is as early as 8 sometimes... So that roughly leaves me with 1 hour of wake time to be with Jellybean on weekdays. Maybe that is the problem... or maybe it's just a phase...

I certainly don't see other babies or mummies having the same problem... and the others work as well... so the question that I often ask myself now is... what am I doing wrong?

There must be something... I wish I could make it better... because I am inconsolably sad whenever I see her turn away from me... I don't know how to explain it.. and I doubt anyone could understand it.

In this that it proves no matter how much you have to give... no matter how much or what you give... eventually time and the care that you spend is the one that will win out. Unfortunately right now I come out as the losing party... for now.. right this moment... I'm hoping to change that.. I don't know how yet... maybe with more patience... and prayers.... maybe just maybe ... she'll want me more tomorrow...