My baby boy...

I decided to read back my previous blog entries... mainly to find some stuffs that I wrote on my Jellybean... and oh my how I used to blog every step of the journey from birth till well about 1 year... Unfortunately I have not been as diligent in regards to the journey of my baby mo... so sorry sayang...

Baby mo is now less than 2 weeks shy of turning 5 months old... and the journey has been amazing... some parts similar to jellybean and some parts easier.. yet there are times that have been more challenging...

At 4 month:
1. suck on his fingers
2. giggle and teased
3. starting to recognise faces and voices
4. lets out a loud shriek when you're upset
5. still NOT sleeping through the night...  :P
6. have something very in common with your sister... susah minum susu... *sigh*
7. baby mo senang masuk angin... or else it might be the way we gave you milk... or it could be my milk... hard to say, but this is the most likely cause of your discomfort most days and certainly seems to be every night right now... poor baby...
8. made a full body flip from back to tummy 14.6.14
9. can sit and then stand just holding on to my finger tips
10. can meniarap, well this you have been doing since you were 3 months old
11. latest thing that you have begun  to do is to slowly grasp an object that interests you... and sometimes you would pull it to your mouth...

Love you my baby... since day 1 you have been a somewhat calm baby... only troubling when you're not comfortable or hungry... you have huge round eyes and with lashes that later I just know your sister and cousin will cry for... hehehehe already I am bring stopped at shops (much to my annoyance) with people admiring you...

My Prince Charming

Oh dear...

It has been so long since I made an entry that I don't even know where to begin...

So let's just skip all or any other details and just go to the night before I gave birth to my Prince..  :)

It started out like any other week... me feeling bad and taking the day off (though I had minor contractions which I thought was just braxton hicks since it stopped after 5pm like that)... in fact on Tues I went to work and came up with a wonderful game plan till I was to give birth... I was gonna take the full 2 weeks off till my due date.. after all I just reached my 37th week.. was feeling to tired and everywhere it ached...

That night I had a spicy dinner.... it was yummy... but I woke up at 12 with this persistent stomach-back ache... kept going to the bathroom too... I was thinking... "Am I in labour?" the age old questions all mummies tend to ask when they are in denial... hahahaha... I was hesitant to make a move to the hospital.. after all, I had spicy food and this stomach ache could just be due to that... wouldn't it be embarrassing if I got sent back home because of that? :P

Well.. I couldn't sleep cause it hurts.. so I stayed up watching TV... by 3.30 am though the pain was getting to me... and I realise it may be more serious than a stomach ache when I couldn't help but moan everytime I get one of those 'waves' of pain... looking at the clock.. it was coming at 5 mins apart... ok... time to wake up Mr. Hubby... maybe a trip to the hospital wouldn't be such a bad idea...

So we made a move to arrived at PCMC and the pain was just coming and oh my did it hurt... I can barely stand... which was so different from Shiya's time (that time I prefer to stand because sitting or lying on my back hurt too much). This time was different too because I had to bleeding and my water was still fully intact. The nurse checked and apparently I have already dilated to 4cm! Another typical question... "Do you want epidural?" ahahaha "Oh, I'll tell you later." That was me trying to be brave... honestly I was thinking.. maybe I can last... Yes i can....

Back aching... crazy... painful 1.5 hours later... "I want epidural!"

And so it goes.. the process of having epi and the wait for it to take effect.. and finding that it takes quite a bit of time for the pain to get a lil numb (I don't know why but the pain doesn't completely go away for me)... was just about to relax... when suddenly this big push from inside me came out of nowhere... the pressure was intense and I was so shocked by the sudden feeling of it that I held on to the side railing.. and then... whoosh...! My water just broke... and .... there was an intense feeling pushing from my bottom... I quickly called the nurse who came and checked... I was 8 cm dilated and to make me more comfortable she gave me another dose of epi...

All this seems to happen and time flew but in my mind it all happened within a few minutes because before I know it I was calling the nurse again.. the pressure was too much and I was very very very uncomfortable... when she again checked.. I was ready to push... but... doctor was not there yet... it was 7.30am... Gulp!...
they gave my the gas to help me through (I didn't feel the difference.. what is wrong with me??)

I managed to keep the urge to push in for 20mins until the doctor walked in the door... and I was soooo relieved to hear her voice.. and with just a slight push... my baby boy was born 7.51am... 3.202kg... :)

When they placed him on my tummy... all wet and gooey.. I thought nothing looked as beautiful and holding him close to me felt just so wonderful... hehehe Alhamdulillah.. my baby was here, healthy and beautiful...

Hurt

Sometimes you stay quiet... not really from a lack of things you wanted to say... but mostly because there is just so much to say that you don't know where to start...

A hurt can be a sudden slash of feelings... so great and deep, that it cuts through all layers and paralyses you... but there's also that chaffing hurt... that starts with a discomfort and it's such a small matter you ignore it until u realise that you're slowly bleeding from a cut that is too painful to ignore anymore...

But there's another softer hurt... just little jabs... it doesn't cut... it doesn't chaff continuously... but it sinks into you... until it becomes apart of you... you live with it... sometimes it appears and reminds you it's there... maybe during one of those stormy nights and your bones just aches... then it goes away... or more like you close your eyes and pretend that it's ok... and it works... just for a little while...

So no... quietness doesn't mean calmness and comfort... sometimes it means an inner struggle, trying to keep sane in a storm of emotion that is just too much to bear.

It's not so simple...

There are definitely different parenting styles and each parent has their own opinions or priorities... hard to say which is better because each has their own reasons and each child is different too... I mean I can't say what works for my Jellybean to actually work for my nephews or niece right?

But are we right in what we think we're right?? Hmm... good question huh?

Like me for example... I often watch my baby girl on CCTV... am just one of those souls who can't sit still unless I can see with my own eyes that my baby is well and looked after.. hehehe and it really irks me if I see my maid doing other things like.. oh I don't know... whatever it is she thinks she needs to do that is so urgent she had to leave my toddler walking aimlessly in her playroom or looking bored and just lying there in the living room. That will often get a call from me with some specific instructions on how to get my baby playing with some crayons or blocks and what not...

As she is growing to almost 3 however, I do notice how she likes attention and the fact that I seldom see her imaginatively play on her own... seldom not like never... but it does bother me... and it makes me think... am I coddling her too much? Making sure her needs are always met by her caretaker makes her lazy to just be independent in her play time? It's a question worth exploring...

But I also see others who put important stock in their maids doing other work during the day... and letting the child be... now is THAT the answer? I don't know... it doesn't really sit well with me... I guess I'm scared that by doing that and me not being at home, leaves my child to the mercy of others... like what if the maid just ends up ignoring my baby the whole day? It's not really that healthy right to leave the child be the whole time alone?

Well... we are always learning... and I guess it comes to a compromise in some things... it is a thing I will be definitely thinking about... and that is why I am considering sending her to school next year... just so that her mornings are filled with some activities that helps her to grow as an individual and socially adapt to others... we'll see...  :)

Something that used to be...

Do you have something that you once used to do... like in a way it is a part of you... that now... as an older adult you realise somehow you don't do anymore?

Well... I used to spend my 'me' time in my room... blasting out all sort of music and dance my heart out... hahah and when I say my heart meaning literally move to my own beat skills or no skills (more like no skills  :P  ) I would sing too... and pretend my voice was ohhh soooo good... hahahah (I don't know why in my head I used to think that a closed door means no one else can listen to me singing... ahhhh a young heart). What kind of songs would I dance to? Hmm... all sorts... classic Disney songs (menari ballet lah kan..hahahah) and then popular upbeat music... and honestly I would have the time of my life... That was my moment... my private moment.

As you grow older... reality sets in deeper... you do things that 'make sense'? I mean jumping around to the beat of Aladdin or jiggle your way pretending to be one of the Pussycat Dolls doesn't quite make sense when you're expected to do some much needed laundry and put your baby to sleep... or God forbid if you forgot to make sure groceries are in for the week before you start work on Monday.

But your baby..... the one whom you would gladly give up anything for has a knack of reminding you a part of your self that you may have ... for a little while forgot... for me... it was the pure joy of just 'dancing'... hehehe how? By me watching her dance... she doesn't move in the conventional way... hips or tapping toes to the beat of the music... no... that's too mundane for my beautiful princess.. she dances with her heart... she jumps and twirls... and have her hands flying about... and I can see the pure joy in her eyes... :)

She dances with passion... and she loves music... and when she starts moving... heheheh well.. you gotta see it... hehehe..

Well what I wanted to write out for today is that throughout time you find that you sometimes tend to lose yourself... you feel life is just a plateau of the same thing and you wonder... how? when? But I guess maybe it's about finding oneself again against time... and doing things that we love or rediscover that thing you love that makes you happy and free you to accept the part of life that tends to bring you down. Does this mean I should start dancing again?? Hahaha... well that is a funny thought... if I do... this time I would have a lovely partner... my sweet Jellybean... :)

My Wish...

This is her cheekiest expression... :) *love*

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you want to go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
All the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
And you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
And you always give more than you take.

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big 

-My Wish by Rascal Flatts-

Sickness that follows the happiness...

Well, pregnancy is a joy to my heart... but the sickness that comes with it... well... that is the most trying part of all. I am now 14 weeks pregnant and I have been officially 'sick' since I hit 6th week.

I must say that it has been a little better... a little... *sigh*.... but sometimes... like today... I do just feel... like crying.... :(   curling up on bed by myself... and just cry and cry and cry...

Because of this awful taste in my mouth since I woke up that will not go away... my lack of appetite that will also be my undoing since it will cause me to throw up in a bit... perut dah kosong... kluar stomach asid je lah... but I don't feel like eating and whatever I managed to put in today dah pun kluar... it's one of those days... sigh...

Drinking wise... now I can seem to only drink coke... I know... I know... that's bad! But before this I could take soya... but now... it leaves a susu basi taste in my mouth for the longest time... I do force myself though to drink it now and then... mostly before I go to sleep since I can better keep it in.

I remember when I was carrying Shiya the sickness was bad too... I remember crying in the office bathroom and actually taking a 5 min nap in the office bathroom! Hahahaha... I don't do that anymore... well... the nap part... crying still happens at the oddest moments. But I don't remember it being this hard to cope with. Maybe because I'm also highly sensitive with this pregnancy... easy to tear up... I'm also a lot gassier... meaning if I don't eat... or drink too much of bubbles..wow... my stomach would feel like it was about to explode...

So... that's life right now... day in...day out... sick sick sick... the only pleasure I find is watching my Shiya and her funny antics around the house... hehehehe wish I can list down all those things just so I won't ever forget it...

I wish I was home right now... so that I can give her a tight hug... because honestly, mummy needs it so much... my forever sunshine... :(

Struggle

I think that I could stare into my baby's face and admire her all day long... hug her all day and all night... SHe is growing up so fast... and so wonderfully that everyday there is just something new SHE is teaching me or showing me... Her needs right now is so huge that I find myself struggling to meet it... I honestly do not know how other mother's of multiple babies do it... hehehe... meeting the demands of all their babies when just trying to be there always for my baby is a challenge.

Why a challenge? Hehehe... ok lah maybe exaggerate lah on that...

June came in this year that put in a lot of unplanned changes whirled me into a territory that I was unprepared for. Some of it great... some of it.... well not exactly the best moments of my life.

For starters... on 15 June 2013... I woke up at 7am.. and I don't know why except that I have been feeling different lately... I decided to do a pregnancy test... heheheh and Alhamdulillah... it was positive! I was pregnant...  :) Just to be sure, I took another test an hour later and yes, it was positive. I was soooo happy and excited. Our 2nd miracle was here... *big grin* I still remember the scan when I was 7 weeks pregnant (when I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant) and saw baby2's heart beat... flip flop, flip flop... the most wonderful gift ever.

Unfortunately it's also that month that my maid had decided to bail out on us... she went back to her hometown and never came back. Ohhhhh sakitnye hati...! I mean she could have told us that she was going for good. I would have never forced her to stay... in fact she was the one who said she wanted to continue for another year... With her stunt, we ended up having to move back in with my parents since my leave was over and I couldn't imagine sending Jellybean to a nursery. I just can't... too sad imagining her in a room crowded with other kids that she doesn't know. So now she's spending time at my sis's house while I am at work. It's working ok... I guess... sigh...

After having a maid for so long.. I must tell you, it is a struggle to maintain a good household and make sure things run smoothly. I mean I was doing fine at first... but once I hit the 6 weeks pregnancy stage... morning sickness found me... and I can no longer function properly... How do other mother's do it? The saddest moment was when I was just lying there... lifeless and nauseous... I saw my baby... just sitting next to me... holding her towel... totally bored... That was a low point... knowing that I don't have the energy to run around after her or even engage her in some fun activities because all I feel like doing was throwing up... or end up falling asleep...

She has slowly forgotten her 'kakak'.. she used to call out to her kakak when she sleeps... and everytime she does that it makes me want to cry.. and I get so angry.. but Alhamdulillah... children recover quickly and she doesn't seem to care anymore. She used to also cling to me and refuse to go out with anyone if I don't follow. So it was a bit hard since I can't go out due to my bad morning sickness... but after 2 months of mummy is boring... she is excited whenever she hears anyone going out the door... starts to look for her shoes... saying goodbye to mummy pun tak pandang... just waves and off she goes. Yes am glad... but the clingy mummy in me is kinda sad... (call it pregnancy hormones) and I must say that there are times I do cry silently when she isn't around and having fun out and about.

It helps though when she's back the first person she looks for is me.. and starts to hug and kiss me... like my own kitty cat... heheheh mummy's manja kitty cat...

Well, that's me right now... struggling... trying to maintain some semblance of normal in my life when in the last 2 months there has been so many changes that I've lost count what is where and what is what... I live in constant nausea and guilt... But life is life.. and I am trying my best. I am trying to be and stay strong... not only for my baby2 that is growing in me.. but also for my Jellybean... who needs me too...

As I usually whisper to her at night... mummy's sorry baby... mummy's trying... mummy will try harder... promise....

Hello Life.

How do people live with a lie for years and years and years...? Never once showing that they care or even aware of what's happening around them?

Yea.. for those who is living their dream this might be a befuddling question.

But having lived through 30 years of imperfections (don't get me wrong, my life is better than most and with more opportunities and good fortune for which I am grateful for) I can see how someone can actually do live within a lie. Why the lie? Perhaps because of a strength of love... or perhaps it is a lack of courage... perhaps it's a little of both.

Then again perhaps it is in our nature to be where we are most comfortable.. a safe haven that we have known all our life, even if that haven can turn into a pressure cooker faster than you can blink. I must agree that in some situation (who am I kidding, most situation) it is easier to take a deep breath... close our eyes... and just pretend we didn't hear it... we didn't see it... it is easier to convince ourselves that it's better for everyone if we become blind and deaf... the negative part? We enable that other someone to do further damage... if not to yourself... then to themselves or those closest to you. But why do we still do it...again and again... and again...

Now that is a question that I've been struggling with myself for some time now. My reason? All I can think of is for the sake of harmony. Is it better this way? I don't know... But perhaps if you have seen and been through some of the times in my life you would better understand of how important harmony is. Wish it was different? Sure... Wish that there was more in the equation? Of course. But sometimes when you lose something, it is not always easy to find your way across to that place where you were before... whose fault is that? Does it matter? I don't think so. You grieve for what could have been and feel sorry for the lost... but you let it go because there is no point in further hurting... especially when they don't understand in the first place. You can't change a person when they don't want to.. and you certainly can't make someone do something and mean it at the same time...

It's almost here...

It's count down for me... 2 more days till my long holiday... yeah, getting a taste of what it's like to be a home maker...hehehe

For the first 2 weeks I will be a little busy... what with getting my Project 01 and Project 02 to move in the right direction... and Project 03 to start... hahahah yes.... turning 30 has opened my eyes and my heart to a little bit more courage to pursue the things that matter most to me.

It's ok people... I am scared and I am feeling the pinch... working for almost 4 years... getting a steady income that has been rising slightly there and here... to suddenly getting nil next month (on unpaid leave for 5 weeks)... wow... you can't believe how the panic suddenly hit me one night and I actually feel suffocated.

All this while I can go shopping/grocery shopping/toys & clothes browsing without much thought... now suddenly I have to weigh each and every want/need to ... 'do I really need this'... 'do we really use this thing at home'... Mr. Hubby is happy though... imagine our weekly spending on groceries have actually dropped 50%! Boy, you never how much you're actually wasting till you need to save... tsk tsk....

These 2 months of no salary is gonna be a challenge I tell you... I almost just panic into saying I can't do this... but hey... with my sweet baby smiling and asking me to play with her each night, I find the courage to stay on my current path... Insyallah... we will be guided...  :) 

Connection with my Toddler

Weekends really fly past us... I mean you wait all for 5 days to get there.. and the next thing you know... it's Monday and the weekend is over... tskkkk

Last weekend we had a busy schedule... we went to Jakel for my clothing project and there, my sweetie pie Shiya had one of her meltdowns... I guess the heat... no attention from me and just the huge crowd (sale, what else)...was just too much for her to handle...

I must say I had to bodily carry her to the car... wriggling and screaming... and proceeded to watch her crying and throwing a fit all of near 20 mins... I actually lost my temper and it took quite an effort to reign it all in...

But along the craziness... I remember what Dr. Markham commented in her book "Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids"... how she was just too overwhelmed and her shrieks are actually a way of her reaching out for comfort or help.... so I tried my best to control my feelings and used a calmer and soothing voice... I didn't ask her to stop crying... but instead assured her I understand... and kissed her... the tears tapered out... and she looked at me with a cute pout and kept calling out to me in her manja voice... heheheh it sorta worked I guess... because from there we connected in a way... I knew that she wanted my reassurance that everything is ok... and she wanted me to make whatever that was bothering her go away.. namely her shoe that was missing the cat thingy... chewed gum just to stick it back on... gave her some ribena goodness... and turned on her ipad to show her favourite pororo...

I read a little today on how when you encounter a defiant nature in your child that it is a mark of a relationship problem.... and yes, I have that problem since she turned 2... I can see it in her stance and her eyes whenever we would come to a stand still .. or a battle of wills from lack of better words to appropriately surmise the situation...

It's a shocker of how accurate the book seems to get it... and how off mark I was in regards on how to handle my toddler... punishment is not the way... gentle understanding is supposedly the best remedy... ahhh... some parts of me are so confused really... but I did note on her disconnection with me whenever I would get mad at some situations... I think it's all about balance... and compromise... and like the book said.... connection...

One interesting part is it asks us ... how many times did we connect in the past 2 days... I would say a few times... though not nearly enough...

Another is... name 2 things to connect that we can do today...

And lastly... to look back on the few times that we were distracted and how to improve on that so that we could connect better....

Well who said we needed to stop learning when we are older... there's always something new to learn...

Will try the few things that the book suggests and try to deepen my connection with my Jellybean... Can't wait for 11th May... Did I mention before? That's when my unpaid leave starts... and my loooong overdue 'summer' with my sweetheart...

;)

Parenting Skills 101

I am currently reading a great parenting book... the title really caught my attention.. "Peaceful Parent, HAPPY KIDS" by Dr Laura Markham.

Well I haven't finished reading it yet, but the first part was great... it's on regulating ourselves as parents...Just to share a note on her 10 rules to raise terrific kids...
1. the most important parenting skills
  - to take care of ourselves so that we don't vent on our kids
     (am guilty of this sometimes... especially when I am in one of my not so good moods or is a little irritated
      with situations that isn't even related to Shiya... I find that my tempee gets the best of me...  :(  )

2. the most important parenting commitment: to always be there for your child/ren
   - it's important to let them know that you will always, always have their back no matter what
   - to respond to what she needs and not you think she needs [this is so true]

3. the most important parenting secret: discipline doesn't work
   - instead of punishment, set and guide limits on behaviour
     (I usually impose timeouts... and it works... but now I am just wondering if I'm teaching her control or
     inhibiting her natural responses to trauma/anger/upset   :(    )

4. what kids need that no one tells you: a safe place to express feelings while you 'listen'

5. what your child wishes you understood: she's just a kid trying as hard as she can

6. The most useful mantra: don't take it personally
     - no one wins a power struggle and not to insist on being right

7. what to remember when the time gets hard: all misbehavior comes from basic needs that are not met

8. the best parenting expert - you child

9. the constant: change

10. what matters most: stay connected and never withdraw your love even for a moment

haaa... I had actually written a longer version.. but lost in the publish and save process *sigh*

Anyhow the pointers a good to remember... especially when the book talks about how our anger sometimes stems from our deep set fear in ourselves... in other words... our childhood that shaped us... so we can react in 2 manner... towards fear (anger & punishment)... or towards love (empathy & guidance).... always, always choose love....

LOS ANGELES - Part 4 Citadel Outlet

The morning of the forth day we were day started out as normal... breakfast downstairs, where I had my 2 toast and scrambled eggs with maple syrup... Shiya had her bowl of fruit loops and orange juice... with once major exception... this time it was the 4+1 of us... Tokma & Tokpa were here...  :)

After breakfast, papa and Tokpa went off to the nearby car rentals to get a car for us to go around for the next 3 days... and it took quite a while cos we finally started our journey around 11am... and where else but to the much anticipated guitar store for papa! hahaha.... he was getting his 30th birthday present from Tokpa here... a fender, no less  :P

We spent a little over 2 hours there... getting the case and what not... sorry can't talk much about here since am not a musical person myself, so find it hard to appreciate instruments... but the look of joy on hubby's face tells it all...  :) it was one of the biggest guitar stores in the world.... my only regret is that we didn't go there sooner or get to spend time there longer because I can tell how much it meant to hubby dear... *sigh* I bet if he knew how close were were to the shop (in Sunset Blvd), we would.. or maybe just HE would have been there sooner... like the first night that we got there... so here's another important tip when travelling to places so far out of reach... research..research...research!

Oh... just a side note on how important it is to have your toddlers in a properly buckled car seat... while we were getting there a car came right at us from the opposite direction...all in the hopes of avoiding another car... luckily we didn't get into an accident... but it was close... and Shiya's car seat actually tumbled forward... as in slide slightly forward (loose belt behind...tsk tsk) and if not for the buckle strapped at the shoulder she would have been thrown forward and may even hit the chair in front (the break was very sudden)... hish... it was a near thing...

Anyhow... after buying the guitar, we were officially on our way to Citadel Outlet... and my oh my... it was a huge place to shop... my first stop.... GAP... hahaha and went a little crazy in there... so many and at such good prices... came out with a bunch of goodies for Shiya... next stop... Carter's... and boy, people please.... next time Carter's first ok... cause the children's clothes there are oh my goodness beautiful and gorgeous... at 50% off! Imagine I got a top for Shiya for USD7... and pretty shorts for USD8...ahhhh can you just imagine... dresses for USD10??? Ok... let's just say real damage was done there... 2 major big plastic bags later... I turned the corner and came face to face with Osh Kosh... oh my... 50% off... even the 3 big bags and a stroller did not stop me from doing my rounds there... hahahah

Those 3 shops basically summarised my time there in Citadel... we arrived late to begin with and by evening time my in laws wanted to take us to this Chinese Muslim restaurant to eat... hahahah I could do without eating just to go for one last round... but yeah... enough damage for the day :p

Some interesting brands there was also Micheal Kors... the bags were expensive as compared to Coach but it was still at a bargain I guess... Guess was also there, though I only went in for a few minutes...

Honestly, we didn't get to really explore the place... I think anybody thinking to go there should allocate at least 2 days... to just enjoy the scene and shop in a calm and relaxing way... hahaha...

We got in the hotel early to rest and pack... the next day is out trip to Banning  :)

Good to know...

I was reading a good article yesterday and I felt as though it applied to me. In a nutshell, it was about taking charge of your decision making and taking ownership of whatever it is that you do... be it a work decision... a life altering decision... and I soooo see how it applied to my life... especially now. Now I am in a junction road in my life... where I get to go left ... or right... and I have been debating and deliberating... talking to various parties...

Why you ask? So that I can see what THEY would do... or what would THEY feel... in my situation... and this is in part I guess play a role in my absolution in guilt or whatever doubt I may be having.

Do I doubt it?... what I want that is... no... I don't... It is so crystal clear that it scares me...

Do I fear it... yes I do... because it is after all do doubt going to be life changing

After reading the article I realise that no matter what I decided... I don't have to request 'permission' for it to be ok... I just have to take ownership of that decision... yes, I want it.. and yes, I am going to do it...

May Allah SWT give me strength to see all else through...

Our 5th day there... Shopping Spree at Dessert Premium, Banning

Breakie time... the only thing she wants the whole time there... OJ and Fruit Loops

Mummy baby time  *love*

Our Hotel, Holiday Inn Express in Banning

Yes... she is exhausted... but mummy isn't finished shopping yet.. sorry baby!!

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

LOS ANGELES - Part 3 Tour of LA

Our second night in LA was pretty easy... since baby girl didn't eat much and we basically arrived after 7pm at our hotel... we decided to just stay in and relax in the room... hubby dropped by the local 7-11 and also Jack's (fast food place there) to get us some water and dinner... can't say about the burgers... but the fries was nice.. hahahah

Baby girl though decided that 8-12 was pretty much lepak and sleep time.. she woke me up at 2 am ... hmm... to eat... poor baby... luckily she ate quite a portion of the fast food we got (please don't judge... i declared a state of darurat for her since she was sooooo picky with food)... we took turns, hubby and I to play with her throughout till 7 until we got dressed and ready for breakfast...

Bus came early this time and we got to start our LA tour on time... (pics later ye)...

We pretty much went around the famous area.. Marina Bay... where we had yummy mocha while fighting the very cold breeze... (but mocha cos I found it hard to keep my eyes open... and no... it didn't work  :P  ) then we proceeded to a few more stops... but I was super excited when we went by Rodeo Drive... very close to the spot in Pretty Woman  :)

The bad thing about a tour bus is basically you have a very very limited time of going to places... basically you get 20mins... and well that is not long at all when you wanna cover such a big area... we basically spent it just walking around the block...

But the stop at Farmer's Market was nice.. we stopped there for lunch and there you can find all sorts of food... we even spotted a Singaporean stall that offers Malaysian cuisine... but we didn't stop... I was too busy looking for souvenirs  :P And we found it there... some fridge magnets... and I found these tine lunch boxes... hahaha and i remembered my wayey... well... actually my BIL said something about finding a tin lunch box so that Farel can carry his toys around and no matter where I look in Malaysia I couldn't find one... hahaha I'm sure it's there... but I found it in LA... and it was so cute... Star Wars pic... and only USD13... so I got 3... Dikdik's had Princesses on hers... and Shiya had Daisy Duck on hers...  :)

Next interesting stop was Hollywood... There were sooooo many people there! And no there's no glitz or glamour about it... let's just say all sorts of characters were there... we didn't get to see the prints at the Chinese Theatre since it was closed due to an opening or something like that... but we did get to walk among the 'stars'... :) Bought Fish Fillet at McD, where else.. bagged some more souvenirs.. and we were on the bus again... (well what do you expect when we had like 30 mins only?) I bet if hubby knew that we were so close to his guitar shop at Sunset Blvd he will literally rebel and skip the bus... or rather skipped from the bus... me and baby girl??  :P

It was a pleasant way to spend our day... at least we got a brief view of each interesting place to visit... will keep that in mind in case there is ever a chance for us to go there again...

We arrived at the hotel by 5... so we decided to rest... and go to Westfield... the nearest shopping mall....  :) yeay!

We were basically tired and sleepy... so we didn't get to explore the place to our heart's content... but I did find a fav  spot... TARGET!... hahahah it is a wonderful place to spend time... err.. and cash... the clothes there are so cheap... and oh so cute (am talking about toddler clothes ok)... but there wasn't much time to explore since Baby Girl has decided to be clingy and won't let me look at stuff in peace... (hmm wonder if her Papa set her up to this)... we shopped around there and I went to take a look at a few more stores till it was closing time...

Ahhh... this is when it is worth it to bring the bucket seat... when using the taxi... :) it was just a short ride to and fro the hotel... USD25 (though if you convert it seems overmuch on transport yes?)

That night we got a knock on the door... heheheh Jellybean was pretty much out and in her dreamland... Tokpa & Tokma finally arrived from Vancouver... hehehehe...

;)

Pictures of Our Trip

At the check in counter... my little baby girl.... still sleepy...

Arrived at LAX... there's a special phone to call our hotel... Mind-Blown... hahaha *jakun mode*

She was singing happy birthday... mainly cos she was holding a muffin... she thinks it's a cake... hahahah the funny things my baby does... we were set and ready for Disneyland!  :)

Stayed at Holiday Inn Express, Airport Blvd... and this is the view from the entrance... nice place... definitely recommended...

Here we are... :)   Disneyland!!

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.10

LOS ANGELES - Part 2... Disneyland

We arrived quite late on the first day... even though I could've pushed to go somewhere that night... but I though to get our rest for the next day was much better so that we could enjoy the Disneyland outing... which I booked as soon as I got to the hotel... USD270 for 2 tics... luckily Shiya was still considered below age (less than 3) so she went free everywhere  :)

We got ready early and went for breakfast which served the usual western breakfast... scrambled eggs and toast.. my all time fav... cereal.. yogurt... real cute milk in cartons... bagel with choice prepacked peanut butter (oh I wish I took a pic since never saw this before), cream cheese, jam... pancake and maple syrup (also my fav!)... Shiya of course didn't feel like having anything except a little of fruit loops...

The tour bus... VIP Tour picked us up at the hotel and dropped us off at the HQ nearby (good cos we didn't waste any time picking up other passengers) and after paying for our disney tickets, they drove us to Disneyland... a place of dream and fantasy!  :)

LOS ANGELES - Part 1... getting there...

Hello hello... ahhh... it has been quite a while since I last sat down and wrote something...

We just got back from our once-in-a-lifetime-all-paid-expense trip to LA... hehehe well... we got back a week ago to be exact. Where do I start?

Our trip began at home where FIL's driver drove us to the airport and there check in was a breeze due to the fact that we had an infant with us. Since she was conveniently sitting in her bucket seat in Zapp Quinny... so yes, she did look like a slightly big infant... hahahah... so that was easy... then we were able to proceed straight to the MAS international lounge where we sat waiting for our flight... it was spent pleasantly stuff ourselves with Malaysian best cuisine... nasi lemak and some english breakfast of toast and scrambled eggs... now I don't know if it's me who has grown up or the service that has grown smaller and significantly less 'wow' worthy... but it didn't impress me much... it was more of a oh well... there's food... hmmm it tastes ok kinda thing. But what was yummy and cute was the little ice cream cups of Haagen Daaz offered... ahhhhh yummy indeed    :)   now THAT will put a smile to anyone's face...

-- until you read the fine printing.... almost 1000 cal in one itty bitty cup ok...! errr... ok let's move on  :P

Belum naik plane baby girl decided to gift me with the lovely task of changing her poo poo diaper there... hahaha... so I must just comment that the changing area is superbly a failure for me... not impressed and even felt a bit iffy... so we changed at the normal toilet... which made the hassle of putting on her diapers a challenge for me... tsk tsk... someone pointed out to me later.. much later... diaper pants.... "duh!" moment there... heheheh...

So lesson number 1... diaper pants for the travelling baby and toddlers....  :)

We had a 6.5 hours flight to Narita, Japan... and then the long haul of 11.5 hour flight to LA... Amazingly the flight to Narita went well... ohh minus the incident of ... eerrr... remember the challenging moment of wearing her the diaper...? heheheh got it wrong... hence the slight 'kebocoran' that happened... which caused the need to change not only diaper in flight... but also her jeans... hehehehe which resulted in an oops moment ... she was just standing there waiting for me to put on her diapers... then she decided it was a good time to pee... *sigh*

Needless to say... flight to Narita was a slight horror, hope to never ever again to repeat itself... and the trip to LA albeit 11.5 hours was ok... Jellybean had a slight leftover sniffles so I think that's what caused her to have an uncomfortable time during the landing (40 mins of crying as we landed)... but overall... it was ok... she even developed a liking for the movie The Guardians.. (I can't believe that's the only kid friendly movie available!)

Alhamdulillah we got there safe and though tired.... excited beyond believe... honestly... even the air smells different there... and the brisk and cool air reminded me soooo much of when I was there 15 years ago.... *sigh*

Getting through immigration was long and slow... and to go out through customs was even slower... but we managed to go through without opening our bags... and a short while later... we were out! hehehehe...

-delete-

Write...delete... write... delete....

Symptoms of?? Could be writer's block (though I certainly wouldn't be calling myself a writer)... hahaha... then again it could also be due to this block of ice... sitting right where my heart is... hahaha... wow ... such words... so dramatic... :P

Ahhhh... what is life without drama right? What is the use of hearts if you don't get to feel hurt...pain or sorrow.... it makes you appreciate the good times better... and what's in a little tear now and then... it helps to clear your eyes...


Someone tweeted that what happens in life is Fate... and yes I do believe that... I also believe deep down that I'm strong... though mayhap not as strong as I should be, may God forgive me... but I know what I want and I know what I need... and so I pray to God that somehow, some way... I'll find me the way...